What’s In Your Mental Garden Now?

“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
- William James

What’s holding you back? Even those who fully embrace the theory of positive thinking may feel some qualms over entrusting their lives to mere thought. There are many possibilities that could be producing weeds in your mental garden, and the best way to get rid of a weed is to yank it out, roots and all.

Trauma: Breaking the Chains

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
- Sir Winston Churchill

Bad things happen to good people. It’s a fact of life. One of the most extraordinary things about human beings is our capacity for resilience in the face of trauma. Miraculous survival and recovery are not occasional happenings in the world. Every day, someone survives a tragedy. Every day, someone takes another step toward a happier life despite a past trauma. Every day, life goes on, and we adjust. And we are stronger for it.

The suggestions made are not substitutes for professional psychiatric care. However, many people have found NLP Coaching and self-help effective for relieving the stress of trauma and taking control of themselves. Whether you choose to seek professional help or embark on a healing path yourself, know that you can break free and begin to live again when tragedy touches you. You don’t have to let trauma keep you from achieving what you want out of life.

Interested in purchasing the entire “Investing in You – The Power of Positive Thinking” download it today at:


Positive Thinking Download Today

Are you ready to take charge and begin orchestrating your life the way you really want it to be?


Understanding what is going on Beneath the Surface. Discover how to Rearrange your Own Reality to Create Profound Growth personally and in business. Develop new unconscious habits that are consistent with achievable goals, and the tools to immediately transform your life.
Overcome negative behaviours and habits - stop smoking, lose weight, be happier, more creative and motivated.
Discover excellent tools for helping you work towards achieving your full potential.
Find a career that you love or to help you excel in the role you're in so that you can really enjoy your personal life.
Learn powerful new human performance technology that provides tools for improving human performance in the areas of communication, management, education, sales, counselling and sports performance.
Get what you want in your work and personal relationships.
Identifying the thinking strategies and emotional states that provide the means by which individuals achieve success in any endeavour. Once you can identify the process of how an individual does something well, that same success strategy can be learned and used by others.
Enhance the effectiveness of psychotherapy and counselling with techniques such as changing beliefs and curing phobias.
Become more creative and successful by learning how to take charge of your own emotional and psychological states.

To book your FREE Exploratory NLP Session call Mark Holland on 1300 556 138

Learn Advanced Communications Skills to Influence others with Integrity and Ease. You will also learn the Structure of Rapport and How to create it in Seconds. Read Body Language and Voice, Understanding what is going on Beneath the Surface. Rearrange Your Own Reality to Create Profound Growth in yourself personally and in your business. Develop new unconscious habits that are consistent with the goals you want to achieve, and give you some tools you can use to immediately increase your sales.

NLP Coaching, NLP Business Consulting and Advanced Sales Training


Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================

Step Away from the Panic Button: Conquering Fear

Conquering your fears is like climbing a mountain – do it one step at a time.

“All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears- of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark or speaking before the Rotary Club, and of the words “Some Assembly Required.”
- Dave Barry

Where all else fails to stop us from achieving what we want from life, fear steps in. We experience fear on both conscious and unconscious levels, and it is one of the most limiting emotions we possess. In some cases fear is justified, and even healthy. For example, a person contemplating crossing a busy street will harbor a healthy fear of being struck by two tons of rapidly moving steel commonly known as a motor vehicle (at least, if he or she is a reasonably sane person who understands the basic laws of physics: moving car + walking person = splat). This fear breeds caution, which causes the person to look both ways for oncoming traffic and wait for an appropriate time to venture across the road.
However, unjustified fear- which can be just as crippling and realistic as justified fear- is more often the case when fear is a factor. Not many people risk their lives on a regular basis. Humiliation, rejection, and failure top the list* of limiting fears that can be overcome with practice and determination.


* Actually, spiders top the list of fears for most people. Arachnophobia- fear of spiders- is the most common type of fear in the world. However, fear of spiders is completely justifiable, as spiders are creepy eight-legged insects with fangs, alien eyes, and a tendency to drop on you out of nowhere.

One of the easiest and most successful methods of dealing with fear is timeline therapy, which is actually facing the significant emotional event that happened sometime in your life that caused the accumulation of emotion and meaning to equal your fear. An NLP Coach can help you overcome your fears using a variety of tools you will find fun and comfortable participating in.

If you don’t feel you can handle timeline therapy alone, enlist a friend to participate- especially if you can find a friend who doesn’t fear the same things you do. With timeline therapy, the objective is to remove the meaning and emotion attached to the fear several times, so that it becomes easier to remove and conquer.


Here are some ways you can implement conquering the Big Three fears:

Humiliation
· Wear your slippers to the grocery store. If you’re feeling ultra-brave, scuff your feet across the floor to call attention to your slippers. If you’re feeling ultra-timid, go to a grocery store far enough from your house that the shoppers will probably never see you again.
· Sing at a karaoke bar. While you’re sober.
· Choose one completely inappropriate article of clothing (a Dr. Seuss hat, a big pair of fuzzy mittens in the middle of summer, a headband with bumblebee antenna) and wear it in public as long as you can. This is not only good therapy- it’s fun!
· Join a local Toastmasters club or offer to give a public presentation on an area relating to your expertise at a library or school. Public speaking is an excellent channel for exorcising humiliation, especially if you do it on a regular basis (that’s speak in public, not humiliate yourself).

Rejection
· Call up a deejay at a local country radio station and request a song by Metallica or Ozzy Osbourne. Be aware that you will be rejected; you might be laughed at and rejected, and there is a possibility you may be laughed at and rejected on the air.
· If you’re single, use an online location service like info.com or facebook.com to find an old school classmate you used to have a crush on. Contact them and ask for a date (or just initiate a conversation). If you’re married, contact an old school classmate and invite them to lunch. At worst they’ll say no; at best, you will have rediscovered a friend.
· Write a poem or a short story and try to submit it to a newspaper or magazine, or enter a writing contest. If you aren’t rejected, become a writer immediately.

Failure
· Try to nail Jelly to a tree.
· Buy a new video game and attempt to win it in one sitting. If you play video games on a regular basis, buy a video game that’s different from the ones you usually play (for example, if you enjoy fighting video games, try a quest-driven format. Or video chess.).
· Start a new hobby that requires creating an end product, such as knitting, model kit building, or cake decorating. Please note that if you are working on your dietary habits, it is not advisable to embark on cake-decorating exposure therapy to combat fear of failure. You will feel obliged to consume your failed attempts. Instead, try vegetable sculpture or fruit bowl arrangement.
· Challenge Dick Johnson to a stock car race. This will also help overcome your fears of rejection and humiliation, as at least one of them is bound to happen.


Conquering your fears is like climbing a mountain – do it one step at a time.

You can determine your own form of therapy by coming up with ways to face your personal fears one small step at a time. If you can’t think of anything, ask a friend to help. Most people are more than willing to try something new, especially if they get to watch you do something entertaining.

NOTE: These exercises are not intended as a substitute for professional psychiatric care. If your fears are extraordinarily strong and interfere with normal functions or daily activities, you should seek the advice of a certified psychiatrist. Self-induced therapy can be effective in reducing or alleviating normal fear, but should not be used in cases of mentally crippling or trauma-induced fear.

If you would like to experience a timeline therapy session contact a NLP Practitioner.

Interested in purchasing the entire “Investing in You – The Power of Positive Thinking” download it today at:

Positive Thinking Download Today

Learn Advanced Communications Skills to Influence others with Integrity and Ease. You will also learn the Structure of Rapport and How to create it in Seconds. Read Body Language and Voice, Understanding what is going on Beneath the Surface. Rearrange Your Own Reality to Create Profound Growth in yourself personally and in your business. Develop new unconscious habits that are consistent with the goals you want to achieve, and give you some tools you can use to immediately increase your sales.

NLP Coaching, NLP Business Consulting and Advanced Sales Training


Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================

Getting Back on the Horse

“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.”
- Mary Pickford

Beyond childhood, you may have experienced setbacks or letdowns for which you clearly recall the reasoning. Often we are so opposed to change that the slightest sign a new way of doing things isn’t working out becomes the signal to stop trying. We are creatures of habit, and breaking the mould we’ve created for ourselves is a challenge few feel they have the time or the energy to face.
Fortunately, we can chip away at that mould until the cracks become wide enough to break free. According to most psychologists, it takes 21 days to break a habit. According to NLP Coaching it can take as little as one session. The actions and reactions you develop in response to letdowns are nothing more than habits that you can rid yourself of with practice.

Your own thinking may be “fencing you in”!

Ready for another exercise? Make a list of all the things you’ve tried and stopped doing before completing (remember, you haven’t failed at them- you have simply made a temporary pit stop on the path to success). This list might include diets, resolutions, exercise habits, quitting smoking, or even self-help programs like this one. Leave yourself some space after each item. When you get to the end of the list, go back and fill in those habits you have developed as a consequence of waiting to follow through. For example, if you listed “The Atkins Diet,” your habit might be “overindulging on pasta because I didn’t eat any for six months.” Some of your habits may be simple to change; others may require deviation from your intended course. In the pasta example, you might realize you can still eat pasta, just not as often as you have been while making up for the loss. Come up with an alternative for each habit that you can live with, so you don’t short yourself before you get started. You might decide to have pasta twice a week instead of every other night.

Now that you have a guide, you can start implementing successful changes one step at a time. Choose one or two habits you’d like to change, and be sure to implement the changes daily for 21 days in a row, or initiate the help of the new technology of NLP coaching, break a habit in one to five sessions with an NLP Practitioner. It’s helpful to keep a journal or a chart to remind yourself what you’re working on and why. You can also treat yourself to a reward after the successful completion of each habit-breaking cycle. How about a nice, big plate of spaghetti? Go ahead; you’ve earned it!

Interested in purchasing the entire “Investing in You – The Power of Positive Thinking” download it today at:

Positive Thinking Book Download Today

Learn Advanced Communications Skills to Influence others with Integrity and Ease. You will also learn the Structure of Rapport and How to create it in Seconds. Read Body Language and Voice, Understanding what is going on Beneath the Surface. Rearrange Your Own Reality to Create Profound Growth in yourself personally and in your business. Develop new unconscious habits that are consistent with the goals you want to achieve, and give you some tools you can use to immediately increase your sales.

NLP Coaching, NLP Business Consulting and Advanced Sales Training


Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================

Self-Esteem: Catching the I-Love-Me Disease

For most of human existence, self-esteem was an unheard-of notion akin to the theories of those heretics who believed the world was round. The term “self-esteem” - defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “pride in oneself; self-respect” - made its way into the common public awareness during the ‘60s and ‘70s as a catch-all term to describe the essence of parenting problems. The “old ways” of parenting were pronounced barbaric and damaging to the budding self-esteem of our youth, and many parents fearful of raising unhappy, ill-adjusted children took advice that led to a generation of children with high self-esteem...so high it eclipsed personal responsibility and created a “me-first” mentality.

On the other hand, most of us are taught that thinking highly of ourselves is a vain, selfish and undesirable trait. Advice telling us to feel better about ourselves and occasionally put us first seems counterintuitive at best. After all, isn’t self-love the first step on the road to Ego Central? Many people want to feel good about themselves, but guilt too often rears its ugly head and stops healthy self-esteem from developing.

Because of these conflicting viewpoints, self-esteem is a tricky little emotion to manipulate. It’s important to strike a balance between modesty and greed. It takes practice to convince yourself that you are a worthwhile and deserving person, while at the same time keeping in mind that you’re not the centre of the universe. Though it may sound impossible, it’s actually simple to accomplish.
Where do you rate on the self-esteem-o-meter? The following quiz will help you gauge your feelings and identify areas that need improvement.

Me-ology: The Self-Esteem Dipstick

To rate your self-esteem, choose the answer that most closely reflects your likely reaction to the following situations:

1. You know you’re good at creating databases. Your boss asks you and several co-workers for a volunteer to organize a new client information database, and another volunteer to write a company newsletter- which you have no idea how to do. You:

A. Volunteer for both, because you’re so brilliant you’ll be able to figure it out - even at the expense of embarrassing the company the first few times you write a terrible newsletter.
B. Volunteer for the database- and when Fred Jones also volunteers, gently point out that you’ve had more experience, but would be happy to teach him what you know as you go along.
C. Remain silent. Someone else is surely better at it than you, and the boss would never pick you anyway.

2. You’re out with friends and you’ve just passed gas noisily in the middle of a restaurant, so you:

A. Immediately blame a passing waiter or someone else at your table. You are completely serious in your accusations, and there’s no way anyone will be able to pin it on you. If they even think about it, you’ll let them have it.
B. Crack a joke about that four-bean salad you had for lunch.
C. Attempt to crawl under the table, then excuse yourself and head to the bathroom. You can’t face any of them for the rest of the night, and you consider paying the entire check right now and leaving before they notice you’re gone- if they notice you’re gone.

3. When you watch Jeopardy or play Trivial Pursuit, you:

A. Laugh at the other players when they get the answers wrong. You know them all, and if you ever went on Jeopardy you’d clean them out.
B. Have a blast. You know some of the answers and try to guess at the rest. You love to learn new things.
C. Don’t watch Jeopardy or play Trivial Pursuit. You’re not smart enough for stuff like that.

4. You’ve decided to go after that promotion at work. You:

A. Make a bunch of other people look bad so there’s no way you’ll be passed up.
B. Let your boss know you’re interested in the promotion, and then put in some extra effort to prove you’re good for the position.
C. Decide on the drive to work that you’re not going to go for it after all. You won’t get it no matter what you do, so there’s no point in trying.

5. When making a tough decision, you:

A. Choose the option that sounds best for you at the moment, and then stick to your decision no matter what, even if it turns out to be the wrong one.
B. Weigh your options and think about the advantages and disadvantages of each one before deciding on your final choice, but remain open to change if it turns out there is a better way.
C. Decisions? You can’t make decisions. You always pick the wrong thing and wind up making everyone miserable. You’ll get someone else to decide.

6. You’re faced with an entire evening alone. You:

A. Gloat, because you don’t have to spend time in the company of those miserable cretins who think they’re your friends, but can’t hold a candle to your brilliant and sparkling personality. You know they’re all sitting around wishing they could hang with you, anyway.
B. Take the time to do something you enjoy, like take a long bath, read a good book, or fix yourself your favourite dinner. It’s nice to relax once in a while and be alone with your thoughts.
C. Resign yourself to being miserable all night. You might as well go to bed early and hope someone’s around tomorrow.

7. When performing a task that requires your full concentration, you:

A. Don’t. Whatever it is you’re doing, you could do it in your sleep. You don’t have to bother concentrating on things.
B. Are able to tune out most distractions and complete the task to the best of your ability. You are determined to put your best foot forward.
C. Can’t. You’re too nervous about screwing things up to concentrate, so you tend to work on projects in short bursts and often end up finishing things late because you’re so distracted.

8. A friend introduces you to someone new. You:

A. Prove that you’re a better person by saying something witty or clever that lets them know your friend is paying attention to you right now, not them. If the new person is worth knowing, they’ll make the effort to get to know you.
B. Greet him or her warmly, introduce yourself and ask an open-ended question such as “What do you do for a living?” or “Where do you live?” You’re prepared to actually listen to the answer and will reserve judgment until you get to know the person better.
C. Mumble “hello,” and then slink off in search of a friend who’s not talking to someone you don’t know. Whoever the new person is, they wouldn’t want to get to know you anyway.

9. You walk in to your house and you’re greeted by an awful stench: the refrigerator is unplugged, and everything in it is spoiled. You:

A. Immediately assume someone was screwing around with it and launch an investigation to find the culprit.
B. First plug it back in to find out if it still works, and then try to figure out what happened. If someone else was responsible for unplugging it, they can help you clean it out. In any case, you’ll do what’s necessary to correct the problem.
C. Decide you must have done something wrong, and now it’s coming back to haunt you. You grumble under your breath as you clean out the refrigerator and wonder why things like this always have to happen to you.

10. Your supervisor calls you into the office to compliment you on the tremendous job you’re doing on your new project. You:

A. Thank him outwardly, all the while thinking it’s about time he noticed how great you are. Maybe now you’ll get the respect you deserve.
B. Are sincerely flattered, and tell him so. You also ask if there is anything you could be doing better.
C. Insist that you’re not really doing all that well, and try to hurry him along so you can escape. You don’t deserve praise.

11. You have to talk to your boss about a recent event that is affecting the way you and your co-workers perform your job. You:

A. Act as though you and your boss are best buddies, and demand that she do something to fix the problem. After all, you could be running the show just as easily as her, and you’d probably do a better job.
B. Approach the matter professionally and with confidence that a solution can be found. You offer any suggestions you might have to correct the problem, and ask if she has any ideas about what should be done.
C. Would never presume to talk to your boss. There’s a reason she is the boss and you’re not. You might send her an anonymous e-mail or ask one of your co-workers to talk to her.

12. This weekend you have a hundred little projects at home that have to be tackled, and you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. You:

A. Attack several things at once, starting with the easiest ones. You might not manage to finish any of them, but you can always insist that someone else pitch in, because you have more important things to do.
B. Decide which projects need to be completed first and take them on one at a time. By taking things step by step, you will finish what needs to be done. If anyone else is available at home, you’ll ask them to help out.
C. Bemoan the unfortunate twist of fate that ruined your weekend. There’s no way you’ll ever be able to finish everything. You don’t ask anyone else for help because they have better things to do than perform favors for you, and you wouldn’t want to be a bother.

13. The opportunity arises for you to pursue your dream job, but it would mean leaving your current, stable position right away. You:

A. Drop everything and go for it. Who needs a safety net?
B. Weigh your options, and plan out what you’ll do if the new opportunity falls through. If you have a spouse, you discuss the decision with them and create a backup plan. If it’s possible, you’ll find a way to make it work.
C. Stay right where you are. Why risk disappointment? You just know it won’t work out.

14. You have five minutes to get to an appointment, and you’re stuck in a seemingly endless traffic jam at a dead stop. You:

A. Curse, fume, and honk your horn repeatedly. Don’t these people realize you’re in a hurry?
B. Are frustrated, but you know there isn’t much you can do change the situation. If you have a cell phone, you call to let them know you’re going to be a little late. You use the unexpected time to relax and listen to your favorite radio station, or just to think.
C. Want to die. Things like this always seem to happen to you. It just isn’t fair. You’re so worried about being late you’re feeling sick, and there’s no way you’ll be able to relax until you’re out of this mess.

15. A co-worker reviews one of your projects and tells you a few things that aren’t pleasant, but they are valid points. You:

A. Thank him through clenched teeth, but insist that you know what you’re doing. He has a lot of nerve criticizing your work, and his opinions don’t really matter anyway.
B. Are grateful for the opportunity to improve your work. You thank him for his insight and go back over the project with his suggestions in mind before turning it in.
C. Give up. You can’t do anything right. Maybe your co-worker should have been in charge of this project instead of you. You’ll just turn it in and hope you don’t get fired for incompetence.

Results: Tally up all your A, B, and C answers to find out where you rate on the self-esteem dipstick:

Mostly A:
Put Down That Mirror, Narcissus. Your tank overfloweth. You may not be aware of it, but you have far more confidence than you need. While confidence is a good trait to possess, too much of it can make you appear arrogant, rude or unapproachable. Try to take more notice of others’ feelings, and you’ll get much further.

Mostly B:
Join the Circus, You Have Perfect Balance. You have a healthy level of self-esteem tempered with empathy and concern for others. You’re probably the life of the party or the person everyone comes to for help, and you’re glad to give it when you can- but you know when you need time for yourself.

Mostly C:
If You Dig Any Deeper You’ll End Up in China. You’re a few quarts low, and you could use a self-esteem top-off. You may think you can’t do anything right, but with a little confidence and some positive thinking, you’ll find you are worth far more than you believe. If you answered C to everything, it’s time for a complete system flush and refill.


Interested in purchasing the entire “Investing in You – The Power of Positive Thinking” download it today at:

http://www.e-salestraining.com/investinginyou/index.html

Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================