“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
- William James
What’s holding you back? Even those who fully embrace the theory of positive thinking may feel some qualms over entrusting their lives to mere thought. There are many possibilities that could be producing weeds in your mental garden, and the best way to get rid of a weed is to yank it out, roots and all.
Trauma: Breaking the Chains
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
- Sir Winston Churchill
Bad things happen to good people. It’s a fact of life. One of the most extraordinary things about human beings is our capacity for resilience in the face of trauma. Miraculous survival and recovery are not occasional happenings in the world. Every day, someone survives a tragedy. Every day, someone takes another step toward a happier life despite a past trauma. Every day, life goes on, and we adjust. And we are stronger for it.
The suggestions made are not substitutes for professional psychiatric care. However, many people have found NLP Coaching and self-help effective for relieving the stress of trauma and taking control of themselves. Whether you choose to seek professional help or embark on a healing path yourself, know that you can break free and begin to live again when tragedy touches you. You don’t have to let trauma keep you from achieving what you want out of life.
Are you ready to take charge and begin orchestrating your life the way you really want it to be?
Understanding what is going on Beneath the Surface. Discover how to Rearrange your Own Reality to Create Profound Growth personally and in business. Develop new unconscious habits that are consistent with achievable goals, and the tools to immediately transform your life.
Overcome negative behaviours and habits - stop smoking, lose weight, be happier, more creative and motivated.
Discover excellent tools for helping you work towards achieving your full potential.
Find a career that you love or to help you excel in the role you're in so that you can really enjoy your personal life.
Learn powerful new human performance technology that provides tools for improving human performance in the areas of communication, management, education, sales, counselling and sports performance.
Get what you want in your work and personal relationships.
Identifying the thinking strategies and emotional states that provide the means by which individuals achieve success in any endeavour. Once you can identify the process of how an individual does something well, that same success strategy can be learned and used by others.
Enhance the effectiveness of psychotherapy and counselling with techniques such as changing beliefs and curing phobias.
Become more creative and successful by learning how to take charge of your own emotional and psychological states.
Learn Advanced Communications Skills to Influence others with Integrity and Ease. You will also learn the Structure of Rapport and How to create it in Seconds. Read Body Language and Voice, Understanding what is going on Beneath the Surface. Rearrange Your Own Reality to Create Profound Growth in yourself personally and in your business. Develop new unconscious habits that are consistent with the goals you want to achieve, and give you some tools you can use to immediately increase your sales.
Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
How To Conquer Fear
“All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears- of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark or speaking before the Rotary Club, and of the words “Some Assembly Required.”
- Dave Barry
Where all else fails to stop us from achieving what we want from life, fear steps in. We experience fear on both conscious and unconscious levels, and it is one of the most limiting emotions we possess. In some cases fear is justified, and even healthy. For example, a person contemplating crossing a busy street will harbor a healthy fear of being struck by two tons of rapidly moving steel commonly known as a motor vehicle (at least, if he or she is a reasonably sane person who understands the basic laws of physics: moving car + walking person = splat). This fear breeds caution, which causes the person to look both ways for oncoming traffic and wait for an appropriate time to venture across the road.
However, unjustified fear- which can be just as crippling and realistic as justified fear- is more often the case when fear is a factor. Not many people risk their lives on a regular basis. Humiliation, rejection, and failure top the list* of limiting fears that can be overcome with practice and determination.
* Actually, spiders top the list of fears for most people. Arachnophobia- fear of spiders- is the most common type of fear in the world. However, fear of spiders is completely justifiable, as spiders are creepy eight-legged insects with fangs, alien eyes, and a tendency to drop on you out of nowhere.
One of the easiest and most successful methods of dealing with fear is timeline therapy, which is actually facing the significant emotional event that happened sometime in your life that caused the accumulation of emotion and meaning to equal your fear. An NLP Coach can help you overcome your fears using a variety of tools you will find fun and comfortable participating in.
If you don’t feel you can handle timeline therapy alone, enlist a friend to participate- especially if you can find a friend who doesn’t fear the same things you do. With timeline therapy, the objective is to remove the meaning and emotion attached to the fear several times, so that it becomes easier to remove and conquer.
Here are some ways you can implement conquering the Big Three fears:
Humiliation
· Wear your slippers to the grocery store. If you’re feeling ultra-brave, scuff your feet across the floor to call attention to your slippers. If you’re feeling ultra-timid, go to a grocery store far enough from your house that the shoppers will probably never see you again.
· Sing at a karaoke bar. While you’re sober.
· Choose one completely inappropriate article of clothing (a Dr. Seuss hat, a big pair of fuzzy mittens in the middle of summer, a headband with bumblebee antenna) and wear it in public as long as you can. This is not only good therapy- it’s fun!
· Join a local Toastmasters club or offer to give a public presentation on an area relating to your expertise at a library or school. Public speaking is an excellent channel for exorcising humiliation, especially if you do it on a regular basis (that’s speak in public, not humiliate yourself).
Rejection
· Call up a deejay at a local country radio station and request a song by Metallica or Ozzy Osbourne. Be aware that you will be rejected; you might be laughed at and rejected, and there is a possibility you may be laughed at and rejected on the air.
· If you’re single, use an online location service like info.com or facebook.com to find an old school classmate you used to have a crush on. Contact them and ask for a date (or just initiate a conversation). If you’re married, contact an old school classmate and invite them to lunch. At worst they’ll say no; at best, you will have rediscovered a friend.
· Write a poem or a short story and try to submit it to a newspaper or magazine, or enter a writing contest. If you aren’t rejected, become a writer immediately.
Failure
· Try to nail Jelly to a tree.
· Buy a new video game and attempt to win it in one sitting. If you play video games on a regular basis, buy a video game that’s different from the ones you usually play (for example, if you enjoy fighting video games, try a quest-driven format. Or video chess.).
· Start a new hobby that requires creating an end product, such as knitting, model kit building, or cake decorating. Please note that if you are working on your dietary habits, it is not advisable to embark on cake-decorating exposure therapy to combat fear of failure. You will feel obliged to consume your failed attempts. Instead, try vegetable sculpture or fruit bowl arrangement.
· Challenge Dick Johnson to a stock car race. This will also help overcome your fears of rejection and humiliation, as at least one of them is bound to happen.
Conquering your fears is like climbing a mountain – do it one step at a time.
You can determine your own form of therapy by coming up with ways to face your personal fears one small step at a time. If you can’t think of anything, ask a friend to help. Most people are more than willing to try something new, especially if they get to watch you do something entertaining.
NOTE: These exercises are not intended as a substitute for professional psychiatric care. If your fears are extraordinarily strong and interfere with normal functions or daily activities, you should seek the advice of a certified psychiatrist. Self-induced therapy can be effective in reducing or alleviating normal fear, but should not be used in cases of mentally crippling or trauma-induced fear.
If you would like to experience a timeline therapy session contact a NLP Practitioner.
Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================
- Dave Barry
Where all else fails to stop us from achieving what we want from life, fear steps in. We experience fear on both conscious and unconscious levels, and it is one of the most limiting emotions we possess. In some cases fear is justified, and even healthy. For example, a person contemplating crossing a busy street will harbor a healthy fear of being struck by two tons of rapidly moving steel commonly known as a motor vehicle (at least, if he or she is a reasonably sane person who understands the basic laws of physics: moving car + walking person = splat). This fear breeds caution, which causes the person to look both ways for oncoming traffic and wait for an appropriate time to venture across the road.
However, unjustified fear- which can be just as crippling and realistic as justified fear- is more often the case when fear is a factor. Not many people risk their lives on a regular basis. Humiliation, rejection, and failure top the list* of limiting fears that can be overcome with practice and determination.
* Actually, spiders top the list of fears for most people. Arachnophobia- fear of spiders- is the most common type of fear in the world. However, fear of spiders is completely justifiable, as spiders are creepy eight-legged insects with fangs, alien eyes, and a tendency to drop on you out of nowhere.
One of the easiest and most successful methods of dealing with fear is timeline therapy, which is actually facing the significant emotional event that happened sometime in your life that caused the accumulation of emotion and meaning to equal your fear. An NLP Coach can help you overcome your fears using a variety of tools you will find fun and comfortable participating in.
If you don’t feel you can handle timeline therapy alone, enlist a friend to participate- especially if you can find a friend who doesn’t fear the same things you do. With timeline therapy, the objective is to remove the meaning and emotion attached to the fear several times, so that it becomes easier to remove and conquer.
Here are some ways you can implement conquering the Big Three fears:
Humiliation
· Wear your slippers to the grocery store. If you’re feeling ultra-brave, scuff your feet across the floor to call attention to your slippers. If you’re feeling ultra-timid, go to a grocery store far enough from your house that the shoppers will probably never see you again.
· Sing at a karaoke bar. While you’re sober.
· Choose one completely inappropriate article of clothing (a Dr. Seuss hat, a big pair of fuzzy mittens in the middle of summer, a headband with bumblebee antenna) and wear it in public as long as you can. This is not only good therapy- it’s fun!
· Join a local Toastmasters club or offer to give a public presentation on an area relating to your expertise at a library or school. Public speaking is an excellent channel for exorcising humiliation, especially if you do it on a regular basis (that’s speak in public, not humiliate yourself).
Rejection
· Call up a deejay at a local country radio station and request a song by Metallica or Ozzy Osbourne. Be aware that you will be rejected; you might be laughed at and rejected, and there is a possibility you may be laughed at and rejected on the air.
· If you’re single, use an online location service like info.com or facebook.com to find an old school classmate you used to have a crush on. Contact them and ask for a date (or just initiate a conversation). If you’re married, contact an old school classmate and invite them to lunch. At worst they’ll say no; at best, you will have rediscovered a friend.
· Write a poem or a short story and try to submit it to a newspaper or magazine, or enter a writing contest. If you aren’t rejected, become a writer immediately.
Failure
· Try to nail Jelly to a tree.
· Buy a new video game and attempt to win it in one sitting. If you play video games on a regular basis, buy a video game that’s different from the ones you usually play (for example, if you enjoy fighting video games, try a quest-driven format. Or video chess.).
· Start a new hobby that requires creating an end product, such as knitting, model kit building, or cake decorating. Please note that if you are working on your dietary habits, it is not advisable to embark on cake-decorating exposure therapy to combat fear of failure. You will feel obliged to consume your failed attempts. Instead, try vegetable sculpture or fruit bowl arrangement.
· Challenge Dick Johnson to a stock car race. This will also help overcome your fears of rejection and humiliation, as at least one of them is bound to happen.
Conquering your fears is like climbing a mountain – do it one step at a time.
You can determine your own form of therapy by coming up with ways to face your personal fears one small step at a time. If you can’t think of anything, ask a friend to help. Most people are more than willing to try something new, especially if they get to watch you do something entertaining.
NOTE: These exercises are not intended as a substitute for professional psychiatric care. If your fears are extraordinarily strong and interfere with normal functions or daily activities, you should seek the advice of a certified psychiatrist. Self-induced therapy can be effective in reducing or alleviating normal fear, but should not be used in cases of mentally crippling or trauma-induced fear.
If you would like to experience a timeline therapy session contact a NLP Practitioner.
Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
How to Get Back Up after a Setback
“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.”
- Mary Pickford
Beyond childhood, you may have experienced setbacks or letdowns for which you clearly recall the reasoning. Often we are so opposed to change that the slightest sign a new way of doing things isn’t working out becomes the signal to stop trying. We are creatures of habit, and breaking the mould we’ve created for ourselves is a challenge few feel they have the time or the energy to face.
Fortunately, we can chip away at that mould until the cracks become wide enough to break free. According to most psychologists, it takes 21 days to break a habit. According to NLP Coaching it can take as little as one session. The actions and reactions you develop in response to letdowns are nothing more than habits that you can rid yourself of with practice.
Your own thinking may be “fencing you in”!
Ready for another exercise? Make a list of all the things you’ve tried and stopped doing before completing (remember, you haven’t failed at them- you have simply made a temporary pit stop on the path to success). This list might include diets, resolutions, exercise habits, quitting smoking, or even self-help programs like this one. Leave yourself some space after each item. When you get to the end of the list, go back and fill in those habits you have developed as a consequence of waiting to follow through. For example, if you listed “The Atkins Diet,” your habit might be “overindulging on pasta because I didn’t eat any for six months.” Some of your habits may be simple to change; others may require deviation from your intended course. In the pasta example, you might realize you can still eat pasta, just not as often as you have been while making up for the loss. Come up with an alternative for each habit that you can live with, so you don’t short yourself before you get started. You might decide to have pasta twice a week instead of every other night.
Now that you have a guide, you can start implementing successful changes one step at a time. Choose one or two habits you’d like to change, and be sure to implement the changes daily for 21 days in a row, or initiate the help of the new technology of NLP coaching, break a habit in one to five sessions with an NLP Practitioner. It’s helpful to keep a journal or a chart to remind yourself what you’re working on and why. You can also treat yourself to a reward after the successful completion of each habit-breaking cycle. How about a nice, big plate of spaghetti? Go ahead; you’ve earned it!
Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================
Ready for another exercise? Make a list of all the things you’ve tried and stopped doing before completing (remember, you haven’t failed at them- you have simply made a temporary pit stop on the path to success). This list might include diets, resolutions, exercise habits, quitting smoking, or even self-help programs like this one. Leave yourself some space after each item. When you get to the end of the list, go back and fill in those habits you have developed as a consequence of waiting to follow through. For example, if you listed “The Atkins Diet,” your habit might be “overindulging on pasta because I didn’t eat any for six months.” Some of your habits may be simple to change; others may require deviation from your intended course. In the pasta example, you might realize you can still eat pasta, just not as often as you have been while making up for the loss. Come up with an alternative for each habit that you can live with, so you don’t short yourself before you get started. You might decide to have pasta twice a week instead of every other night.
Now that you have a guide, you can start implementing successful changes one step at a time. Choose one or two habits you’d like to change, and be sure to implement the changes daily for 21 days in a row, or initiate the help of the new technology of NLP coaching, break a habit in one to five sessions with an NLP Practitioner. It’s helpful to keep a journal or a chart to remind yourself what you’re working on and why. You can also treat yourself to a reward after the successful completion of each habit-breaking cycle. How about a nice, big plate of spaghetti? Go ahead; you’ve earned it!
Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
How to Love Yourself First - Self-Esteem Secrets
For most of human existence, self-esteem was an unheard-of notion akin to the theories of those heretics who believed the world was round. The term “self-esteem” - defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “pride in oneself; self-respect” - made its way into the common public awareness during the ‘60s and ‘70s as a catch-all term to describe the essence of parenting problems. The “old ways” of parenting were pronounced barbaric and damaging to the budding self-esteem of our youth, and many parents fearful of raising unhappy, ill-adjusted children took advice that led to a generation of children with high self-esteem...so high it eclipsed personal responsibility and created a “me-first” mentality.
On the other hand, most of us are taught that thinking highly of ourselves is a vain, selfish and undesirable trait. Advice telling us to feel better about ourselves and occasionally put us first seems counterintuitive at best. After all, isn’t self-love the first step on the road to Ego Central? Many people want to feel good about themselves, but guilt too often rears its ugly head and stops healthy self-esteem from developing.
Because of these conflicting viewpoints, self-esteem is a tricky little emotion to manipulate. It’s important to strike a balance between modesty and greed. It takes practice to convince yourself that you are a worthwhile and deserving person, while at the same time keeping in mind that you’re not the centre of the universe. Though it may sound impossible, it’s actually simple to accomplish.
Where do you rate on the self-esteem-o-meter? The following quiz will help you gauge your feelings and identify areas that need improvement.
Me-ology: The Self-Esteem Dipstick
To rate your self-esteem, choose the answer that most closely reflects your likely reaction to the following situations:
1. You know you’re good at creating databases. Your boss asks you and several co-workers for a volunteer to organize a new client information database, and another volunteer to write a company newsletter- which you have no idea how to do. You:
A. Volunteer for both, because you’re so brilliant you’ll be able to figure it out - even at the expense of embarrassing the company the first few times you write a terrible newsletter.
B. Volunteer for the database- and when Fred Jones also volunteers, gently point out that you’ve had more experience, but would be happy to teach him what you know as you go along.
C. Remain silent. Someone else is surely better at it than you, and the boss would never pick you anyway.
2. You’re out with friends and you’ve just passed gas noisily in the middle of a restaurant, so you:
A. Immediately blame a passing waiter or someone else at your table. You are completely serious in your accusations, and there’s no way anyone will be able to pin it on you. If they even think about it, you’ll let them have it.
B. Crack a joke about that four-bean salad you had for lunch.
C. Attempt to crawl under the table, then excuse yourself and head to the bathroom. You can’t face any of them for the rest of the night, and you consider paying the entire check right now and leaving before they notice you’re gone- if they notice you’re gone.
3. When you watch Jeopardy or play Trivial Pursuit, you:
A. Laugh at the other players when they get the answers wrong. You know them all, and if you ever went on Jeopardy you’d clean them out.
B. Have a blast. You know some of the answers and try to guess at the rest. You love to learn new things.
C. Don’t watch Jeopardy or play Trivial Pursuit. You’re not smart enough for stuff like that.
4. You’ve decided to go after that promotion at work. You:
A. Make a bunch of other people look bad so there’s no way you’ll be passed up.
B. Let your boss know you’re interested in the promotion, and then put in some extra effort to prove you’re good for the position.
C. Decide on the drive to work that you’re not going to go for it after all. You won’t get it no matter what you do, so there’s no point in trying.
5. When making a tough decision, you:
A. Choose the option that sounds best for you at the moment, and then stick to your decision no matter what, even if it turns out to be the wrong one.
B. Weigh your options and think about the advantages and disadvantages of each one before deciding on your final choice, but remain open to change if it turns out there is a better way.
C. Decisions? You can’t make decisions. You always pick the wrong thing and wind up making everyone miserable. You’ll get someone else to decide.
6. You’re faced with an entire evening alone. You:
A. Gloat, because you don’t have to spend time in the company of those miserable cretins who think they’re your friends, but can’t hold a candle to your brilliant and sparkling personality. You know they’re all sitting around wishing they could hang with you, anyway.
B. Take the time to do something you enjoy, like take a long bath, read a good book, or fix yourself your favourite dinner. It’s nice to relax once in a while and be alone with your thoughts.
C. Resign yourself to being miserable all night. You might as well go to bed early and hope someone’s around tomorrow.
7. When performing a task that requires your full concentration, you:
A. Don’t. Whatever it is you’re doing, you could do it in your sleep. You don’t have to bother concentrating on things.
B. Are able to tune out most distractions and complete the task to the best of your ability. You are determined to put your best foot forward.
C. Can’t. You’re too nervous about screwing things up to concentrate, so you tend to work on projects in short bursts and often end up finishing things late because you’re so distracted.
8. A friend introduces you to someone new. You:
A. Prove that you’re a better person by saying something witty or clever that lets them know your friend is paying attention to you right now, not them. If the new person is worth knowing, they’ll make the effort to get to know you.
B. Greet him or her warmly, introduce yourself and ask an open-ended question such as “What do you do for a living?” or “Where do you live?” You’re prepared to actually listen to the answer and will reserve judgment until you get to know the person better.
C. Mumble “hello,” and then slink off in search of a friend who’s not talking to someone you don’t know. Whoever the new person is, they wouldn’t want to get to know you anyway.
9. You walk in to your house and you’re greeted by an awful stench: the refrigerator is unplugged, and everything in it is spoiled. You:
A. Immediately assume someone was screwing around with it and launch an investigation to find the culprit.
B. First plug it back in to find out if it still works, and then try to figure out what happened. If someone else was responsible for unplugging it, they can help you clean it out. In any case, you’ll do what’s necessary to correct the problem.
C. Decide you must have done something wrong, and now it’s coming back to haunt you. You grumble under your breath as you clean out the refrigerator and wonder why things like this always have to happen to you.
10. Your supervisor calls you into the office to compliment you on the tremendous job you’re doing on your new project. You:
A. Thank him outwardly, all the while thinking it’s about time he noticed how great you are. Maybe now you’ll get the respect you deserve.
B. Are sincerely flattered, and tell him so. You also ask if there is anything you could be doing better.
C. Insist that you’re not really doing all that well, and try to hurry him along so you can escape. You don’t deserve praise.
11. You have to talk to your boss about a recent event that is affecting the way you and your co-workers perform your job. You:
A. Act as though you and your boss are best buddies, and demand that she do something to fix the problem. After all, you could be running the show just as easily as her, and you’d probably do a better job.
B. Approach the matter professionally and with confidence that a solution can be found. You offer any suggestions you might have to correct the problem, and ask if she has any ideas about what should be done.
C. Would never presume to talk to your boss. There’s a reason she is the boss and you’re not. You might send her an anonymous e-mail or ask one of your co-workers to talk to her.
12. This weekend you have a hundred little projects at home that have to be tackled, and you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. You:
A. Attack several things at once, starting with the easiest ones. You might not manage to finish any of them, but you can always insist that someone else pitch in, because you have more important things to do.
B. Decide which projects need to be completed first and take them on one at a time. By taking things step by step, you will finish what needs to be done. If anyone else is available at home, you’ll ask them to help out.
C. Bemoan the unfortunate twist of fate that ruined your weekend. There’s no way you’ll ever be able to finish everything. You don’t ask anyone else for help because they have better things to do than perform favors for you, and you wouldn’t want to be a bother.
13. The opportunity arises for you to pursue your dream job, but it would mean leaving your current, stable position right away. You:
A. Drop everything and go for it. Who needs a safety net?
B. Weigh your options, and plan out what you’ll do if the new opportunity falls through. If you have a spouse, you discuss the decision with them and create a backup plan. If it’s possible, you’ll find a way to make it work.
C. Stay right where you are. Why risk disappointment? You just know it won’t work out.
14. You have five minutes to get to an appointment, and you’re stuck in a seemingly endless traffic jam at a dead stop. You:
A. Curse, fume, and honk your horn repeatedly. Don’t these people realize you’re in a hurry?
B. Are frustrated, but you know there isn’t much you can do change the situation. If you have a cell phone, you call to let them know you’re going to be a little late. You use the unexpected time to relax and listen to your favorite radio station, or just to think.
C. Want to die. Things like this always seem to happen to you. It just isn’t fair. You’re so worried about being late you’re feeling sick, and there’s no way you’ll be able to relax until you’re out of this mess.
15. A co-worker reviews one of your projects and tells you a few things that aren’t pleasant, but they are valid points. You:
A. Thank him through clenched teeth, but insist that you know what you’re doing. He has a lot of nerve criticizing your work, and his opinions don’t really matter anyway.
B. Are grateful for the opportunity to improve your work. You thank him for his insight and go back over the project with his suggestions in mind before turning it in.
C. Give up. You can’t do anything right. Maybe your co-worker should have been in charge of this project instead of you. You’ll just turn it in and hope you don’t get fired for incompetence.
Results: Tally up all your A, B, and C answers to find out where you rate on the self-esteem dipstick:
Mostly A:
Put Down That Mirror, Narcissus. Your tank overfloweth. You may not be aware of it, but you have far more confidence than you need. While confidence is a good trait to possess, too much of it can make you appear arrogant, rude or unapproachable. Try to take more notice of others’ feelings, and you’ll get much further.
Mostly B:
Join the Circus, You Have Perfect Balance. You have a healthy level of self-esteem tempered with empathy and concern for others. You’re probably the life of the party or the person everyone comes to for help, and you’re glad to give it when you can- but you know when you need time for yourself.
Mostly C:
If You Dig Any Deeper You’ll End Up in China. You’re a few quarts low, and you could use a self-esteem top-off. You may think you can’t do anything right, but with a little confidence and some positive thinking, you’ll find you are worth far more than you believe. If you answered C to everything, it’s time for a complete system flush and refill.
Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================
Friday, August 7, 2015
Programming as Kids and Past Letdowns
“Upon our children, how they are taught, rests the fate- or fortune- of tomorrow’s world.”
- B. C. Forbes
The things we learn in childhood aren’t easy to forget- mostly because we don’t actively remember them. It is far harder to dislodge subconscious thought. When we are unaware not only of why we embrace or avoid certain things, but also unaware of the fact that we are embracing or avoiding them, pinpointing the roots of our actions is a difficult process.
Childhood lessons don’t always come from our parents, and often not even the messages we received from them were intentionally placed there. For example, if you parents raised you to be helpful, courteous, polite, and giving, you may have learned those lessons so well that the very idea of doing something for yourself makes you cringe- and you may not know why. On the other hand, if your parents gave you everything you wanted without you ever asking for it or lifting a finger, you may project those same expectations on everyone around you- again, with no idea why you’re doing it, or even that you are doing it at all. Many times, outwardly selfish people are shocked to discover that others perceive them as selfish. They may even believe themselves the kindest, most benevolent people they know.
Another factor you may not consider when trying to access your childhood programming is the outside influences that affected your formation. Teachers, day-care workers or babysitters, school friends, even random adults in the grocery store may have had an impact on your behaviours and beliefs, whether consciously or unconsciously.
Though it may be impossible to determine all of your childhood influences, you can give yourself a general idea of past events and personalities that shaped your current beliefs and take steps to change them. The following brief exercise will help you get started thinking about your triggers and habits.
Exercise: Connect-the-influences
1. Starting with your parents, list the names of every person you can recall that you associated with during childhood in a single column down the left-hand side of a sheet of paper. If you don’t know the name of a person, use a brief description such as “the lady at the end of the street with the loud little dog.” Include family, friends, teachers, caregivers, neighbours, and anyone else you remember. If you run out of room, tape another piece of paper to the bottom of the first one and keep going down the left-hand side.
2. On the right-hand side of the paper, list all the habits and traits you possess, both good and bad. If you’re feeling brave, ask a friend to help you come up with some of the traits you possess that you might not be aware of. You don’t even have to show anyone your list; you can call them up and tell them you’re getting a head start on your New Year’s resolutions.
3. Now comes the fun part. Try to match each habit or trait with one of the people from the left-hand column, and draw a line to connect them. You may find that some people have several connecting lines, while others have none. Pay close attention to the people who seem to have appeared on your list for no particular reason. If you remember them clearly, they probably influenced your life in some small way.
This exercise is not meant to lay blame on the people in your past for ruining your life. Rather, it is to illustrate that many of your flaws and negative qualities are a result of things you learned as an impressionable child, and therefore can be let go of without guilt. Children see things through a different lens than adults do, and what we learn at an early age can often end up colouring everything we do as grownups. Fortunately, we can learn to let go of those negative tendencies once we view them with the wisdom and rationality we have developed along the way.
Getting Back on the Horse
“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.”
- Mary Pickford
Beyond childhood, you may have experienced setbacks or letdowns for which you clearly recall the reasoning. Often we are so opposed to change that the slightest sign a new way of doing things isn’t working out becomes the signal to stop trying. We are creatures of habit, and breaking the mould we’ve created for ourselves is a challenge few feel they have the time or the energy to face.
Fortunately, we can chip away at that mould until the cracks become wide enough to break free. According to most psychologists, it takes 21 days to break a habit, and with the new technology of NLP coaching many can break a habit in one to five sessions with an NLP Practitioner. The actions and reactions you develop in response to letdowns are nothing more than habits that you can rid yourself of with practice.
Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================
Another factor you may not consider when trying to access your childhood programming is the outside influences that affected your formation. Teachers, day-care workers or babysitters, school friends, even random adults in the grocery store may have had an impact on your behaviours and beliefs, whether consciously or unconsciously.
Though it may be impossible to determine all of your childhood influences, you can give yourself a general idea of past events and personalities that shaped your current beliefs and take steps to change them. The following brief exercise will help you get started thinking about your triggers and habits.
Exercise: Connect-the-influences
1. Starting with your parents, list the names of every person you can recall that you associated with during childhood in a single column down the left-hand side of a sheet of paper. If you don’t know the name of a person, use a brief description such as “the lady at the end of the street with the loud little dog.” Include family, friends, teachers, caregivers, neighbours, and anyone else you remember. If you run out of room, tape another piece of paper to the bottom of the first one and keep going down the left-hand side.
2. On the right-hand side of the paper, list all the habits and traits you possess, both good and bad. If you’re feeling brave, ask a friend to help you come up with some of the traits you possess that you might not be aware of. You don’t even have to show anyone your list; you can call them up and tell them you’re getting a head start on your New Year’s resolutions.
3. Now comes the fun part. Try to match each habit or trait with one of the people from the left-hand column, and draw a line to connect them. You may find that some people have several connecting lines, while others have none. Pay close attention to the people who seem to have appeared on your list for no particular reason. If you remember them clearly, they probably influenced your life in some small way.
This exercise is not meant to lay blame on the people in your past for ruining your life. Rather, it is to illustrate that many of your flaws and negative qualities are a result of things you learned as an impressionable child, and therefore can be let go of without guilt. Children see things through a different lens than adults do, and what we learn at an early age can often end up colouring everything we do as grownups. Fortunately, we can learn to let go of those negative tendencies once we view them with the wisdom and rationality we have developed along the way.
Getting Back on the Horse
“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.”
- Mary Pickford
Beyond childhood, you may have experienced setbacks or letdowns for which you clearly recall the reasoning. Often we are so opposed to change that the slightest sign a new way of doing things isn’t working out becomes the signal to stop trying. We are creatures of habit, and breaking the mould we’ve created for ourselves is a challenge few feel they have the time or the energy to face.
Fortunately, we can chip away at that mould until the cracks become wide enough to break free. According to most psychologists, it takes 21 days to break a habit, and with the new technology of NLP coaching many can break a habit in one to five sessions with an NLP Practitioner. The actions and reactions you develop in response to letdowns are nothing more than habits that you can rid yourself of with practice.
Copyright 2007 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
=======================================================
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
How Not to Take On Too Much - It's OK To Say No - Mark J Holland NLP Mind Coach
“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” - Theodore Roosevelt
People are always going to ask you to do things for them. That’s life. Often we are asked to make commitments we don’t feel comfortable with, don’t have time for, or just plain don’t want to make- but saying “no” makes us feel even worse than agreeing to something we don’t like.
Women especially fall victim to the over-commitment syndrome. You should make it a habit to say “no” more often, particularly when you know that agreeing to take on a certain commitment is going to wreak havoc with your life, even though the little voice in your head is telling you accepting would be the “nice” thing to do. When it comes to your sanity, the nicest thing is to make sure you don’t over-extend yourself and end up performing a large number of tasks with substandard results.
The first step in learning to say no is deciding which things you should agree to commit to, and which things are all right to pass on. This decision should stem from your personal priorities; the things that are important to you and your life. This is one reason why it’s important to define your goals clearly when you begin using the power of positive thinking. Weigh each request against your goals and decide whether agreeing to them would move you closer or further away from your objectives.
When you come to a point where you must refuse a request, there are several ways to say no without hurting feelings or making yourself appear inconsiderate. Be as honest as possible when saying no, and you will be able to proceed with a guilt-free conscience.
Need an excuse? Here are the top ten ways to say no nicely:
1. “No.” Sometimes, the best way to refuse is politely, but directly. If someone in your life is constantly asking you to do things they could easily handle themselves, a firm “no” is the only way to get them to stop. Another approach to problematic people with frequent requests is to tell them, “I know you’ll do a great job handling it on your own.”
2. “I’m in the middle of several other projects/commitments right now.” Don’t be afraid to tell people when you’re busy. Most will respect your schedule and find another way to fulfill their requests for help. You shouldn’t be expected to drop tasks you’ve already committed to in order to complete new ones.
3. “I need to focus on [my career, my family, my personal life] at the moment.” If you’re going through a difficult time in another area of your life that requires your attention, don’t hesitate to refuse taking on extra requests. You don’t necessarily have to explain your specific reasoning for taking a pass; just indicate that you
4. “I don’t feel I’m the best person to handle that task.” When you don’t feel qualified to handle something requested of you, say so. Explain that you don’t want to do a poor job, because you know this task is important to the person asking you to do it. Chances are, they want the task done well, too.
5. “I can’t do it, but I know someone else who can.” Only use this “no” form if you truly know someone who can not only handle the task, but has the time to do it. It’s nice to be able to offer alternative help, but only if you can follow through on your offer. Referring people to someone else who won’t be able to help either will be viewed as a brush-off; the person who originally came to you will think you never actually wanted to help them in the first place.
6. “I’m not comfortable/don’t enjoy doing that.” Stick to your guns. If you’re asked to do something that seems wrong or a task you despise doing, don’t agree to it and explain why. This way you will be able to avoid repeat requests for the same thing.
7. “I can’t help right now, but ask me later.” Again, be honest with this statement. If you really do want to help out, but just don’t have the time when the request is made, let the person asking you know that you’d be happy to help out when you can. If possible, give them a specific availability, like tomorrow or next week, when you know you’ll be free. If they need the task done before then, they will find someone else.
8. “I have no experience with this type of task.” This is similar to stating you’re not the best person for the job, but more significant- at least for you. When you take on a task for someone else, you shouldn’t have to learn a whole new skill set just to complete one thing. However, if it’s something you were planning to learn anyway, you might want to take advantage of the opportunity to learn something new.
9. “I know you want to [other person’s objective] but I can’t get away from [other commitment] right now.” This is a polite way to acknowledge the needs of the other person while refusing to overburden yourself. This can also open the opportunity to handle the root issue of the request in a way that is convenient for both of you.
10. “No, but...” If for whatever reason you can’t commit to a request, you can offer an alternative that would be beneficial to the situation. Perhaps you’re unable to perform the specific task requested, but there is another aspect of the project you would be able to help out with. Again, this leaves your options open without making you seem callous or unconcerned with whomever is making a request of you.
Practice saying no both at home and at work, whenever you’re asked to take on more than you know you can handle. Overextending yourself can be a hard habit to break, but it is an essential step in getting out of your own way so you can accomplish your life’s goals. You deserve time for yourself, and you must be responsible for ensuring your personal needs are met.
Discover How to Clarify Your Goals, Establish Direction and Focus, Strategize Your Actions, Upgrade Your Skills and Master Your Psychology!
...with Neuro Linguistic Programming NLP Life Coaching
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
How To Eradicate Procrastination - Mark J Holland NLP Mind Coach
“To be always intending to make a new and better life but never find time to set about it is as... to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you’re dead.”
- Og Mandino
Procrastination is the easiest thing in the world to perfect- and one of the hardest habits to break. There will always be a good reason to put off whatever you want to accomplish, whether it’s vacuuming the lounge room carpet or finally taking that Tropical Holiday you’ve been planning for years.
When you realize you’re putting something off, one of the best things you can do is to ask yourself why you don’t want to do it. The reasons for procrastination are as varied as the people who practice it: the task is boring or repetitive; you are afraid you won’t be able to handle it; the project is difficult or time-consuming; it is going to be an unpleasant experience; you dread the possible consequences of seeing the task through to completion. Once you know what is stopping you from moving ahead, you can determine your strategy for accomplishing your goal and get un-stuck.
How do you crush procrastination in its tracks? The remedies for moving past procrastination include:
• Just do it. Whatever the task you’re facing, simply pick a point and get started. Often things are not as bad as they seem, and once you start doing something it’s easier to build up momentum that will carry you through to the end. Tell yourself that when you finish the unpleasant task, you won’t have it hanging over your head and you can move on to better things.
• Break it up, people. Take a few minutes to break up larger tasks into small, manageable goals. For example, if you are attempting to organize your desk at work, you might pick one drawer and get that done, and then take a break and do something else before returning for the next drawer. Meeting a series of small goals is more motivating and encouraging than trying to tackle a huge project all at once.
• Cut through the fluff. Prepare yourself to work through distractions when you’re taking on a task. If possible, ignore the phone- and definitely resist the temptation to play Solitaire or check your e-mail a dozen times. Make sure your mind is made up to do whatever it is you’re doing and nothing else until it’s finished. You will feel better knowing it’s done, and you’ll waste less time on sideline projects.
• Stick to the program. Ensure you have enough time to finish the task you’re starting. If you know you’re going to be interrupted or run out of time before you’re through, choose one part of the task to complete instead of trying to rush through the whole thing. Rushing to meet a deadline you know you can’t make causes more stress, and can actually make things happen slower because you’re worried that you won’t be able to accomplish what you’ve set out to do. Give yourself a break, and your stress level will thank you.
• Expect the unexpected. Despite our best positive thinking efforts, things do occasionally take a turn for the unexpected. Delays are a given in many situations. When you’re planning a task or goal, it is important to factor in time in case things go wrong. Delays are a major facilitator of procrastination: it’s easy to convince yourself to put things off when you already have to wait. Make sure you have a backup plan in place so you can avoid putting things off and still meet your completion goals comfortably.
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Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Is Positive Thinking really worth It? - Mark J Holland NLP Mind Coach
“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.”
- Aldous Huxley
As you practice using positive thinking, you will find that things begin to change for you. Sometimes the change is so gradual you don’t notice anything at all, until one day someone else tells you that you seem different. They may ask if you’ve gotten a new outfit, changed your hair, lost weight, or won the lottery. Tapping in to positive thinking not only makes you happier, it also makes you more attractive; the kind of person others want to be around.
Now that you’ve had some experience, you might recognize some of the common signs of positively charged people. Check out this list of things you have to look forward to.
You Know You’re a Positive Thinker When:
• Your grueling drive to work goes by so quickly, you wonder why it ever bothered you in the first place.
• The clerk at the grocery store gives you the wrong change, you point it out with a smile- and she happily corrects the mistake.
• You waited in line at the post office for twenty-five minutes on your lunch hour...and your life didn’t end.
• The new part for your car finally arrived at the garage after a week on backorder, but it was the wrong one. You were so nice about accepting the delay when the garage called that they offered you a substantial discount on your repair bill.
• Every time you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror, you’re smiling- and you don’t think you look like a moron.
• You put the oven on too high and burned dinner...then wound up having something even better than you’d planned.
• Suddenly you have a lot more free time on your hands, and plenty of things to do with it- plus enough energy to do them.
• The last time you thought the word can’t was in the phrase I can’t believe all these great things are happening to me.
Positive thinking has the power to change your life, as long as you believe it does. As you continue to use positive thinking techniques, you will find you don’t have to put much effort into achieving what you want.
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...with Neuro Linguistic Programming NLP Life Coaching
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
How to Hook Up to Positive Energy - Mark J Holland NLP Mind Coach
“No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.”
- Helen Keller
Enthusiasm is the sunshine of your mind’s garden. Possessing enthusiasm for all that you do is essential to the process of positive thinking. Just as plants require sunlight to develop and grow, utilizing the power of positive thinking requires enthusiasm to energize your potential and ensure an endless supply of fuel.
You will discover that the more enthusiasm you generate, the more energy you’ll have to put in. There are some things it will be easy to generate enthusiasm over, and others where you’ll have to stretch yourself to find what will spark your enjoyment. For example, no one has trouble generating enthusiasm for spending an unexpected bonus from work or taking a night out. However, you may find it hard to get excited about washing dishes or filling out your tax return forms. But part of the magic of positive thinking is developing the ability to find the good things in any situation and use them to get through the difficult parts.
Like developing a positive mindset, enthusiasm must be cultivated and sheltered from potentially damaging emotional storms. There are several methods you can use to put a dose of passion into everything you do, whether it’s finally taking that dream holiday or cleaning out the garage. You can choose the method that best fits whatever situation you’re facing and ensure yourself the energy to tackle anything life happens to throw at you.
What’s In It for Me?
One of the most elemental solutions for finding enthusiasm is to focus on the benefit you will derive from completing a particular task. In some situations it’s easy to discover the benefit. For instance, you may hate wrapping presents, but you know the person you’re giving the present to will be overjoyed when presented with this lovely paper-wrapped gift, and so you derive happiness from envisioning the recipient opening the present. This is an especially useful tactic when you’re still up at 2 a.m. on Christmas morning trying to figure out how to wrap the bicycle you’ve just spent three hours putting together.
Other circumstances will not have such obvious benefits. If you were to find yourself trying to change a flat tire on the side of the road in the middle of a rainstorm it would undoubtedly be difficult to find your silver lining. Under stressful circumstances, give yourself permission to think of the wildest benefit you can come up with. Perhaps you were on your way to a party you would rather not have gone to. In that case, your flat tire would give you the perfect excuse to turn around and go back home.
There is some good in every situation, whether it’s in the form of a benefit or a lesson to be learned (Lesson One: Never drive with questionable tires through a thunderstorm to a party you didn’t want to attend in the first place). You can harness the power of positive thinking by finding that good and exploiting it, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem.
The Buddy System
If you’re having trouble summoning enthusiasm for a particular task, try to seek out someone who enjoys doing that sort of thing and ask them to partner up with you. Like smiling, enthusiasm is contagious. If you spend some time observing another person’s enthusiasm, some of it is bound to rub off on you.
If you don’t know anyone who might be enthusiastic about what you’re trying to accomplish, try going online to look up articles or blogs (web logs, which are usually personal, regularly updated online journals) pertaining to the subject. Sometimes merely reading about someone else’s enthusiasm can help you find some aspect of the task to enjoy, and get you through it with a minimal amount of stress, anxiety and dread. (Be warned: it may be difficult to discover anyone who enjoys scrubbing toilets or emptying cat litter boxes. In these cases, you might be on your own!)
Knowledge is Power
Muddling through a particular task or project can be daunting if you don’t know what you’re doing. If you’re the type of person who never asks for directions or reads the instructions, you may be tempted to take on challenges in areas where your knowledge is limited. Even if you’re not, you may find yourself faced with taking on a task you don’t feel qualified to handle, whether it’s filling in for someone in a different department at work or changing an baby’s nappy for the first time.
The more you know about what you’re doing, the easier it will be to accomplish. This may seem self-explanatory, but many people don’t realize that you can always find out more information. It only takes a few minutes to look up something on the internet, consult a reference book, or call up someone you know has experience with the issue you’re facing.
Gaining knowledge has other benefits as well. The more you know about a given subject, the better you will be able to focus on your goal and work toward it. You cannot reach your destination if you cannot find the path. Look upon knowledge as the pruning shears of your mental garden, clearing the way for enthusiasm to grow and spread. With the right set of tools, you can accomplish any task easily.
Sign on the Dotted Line
Being committed to achieving your aim is essential to generating a sense of enthusiasm. Whether you want to have gleaming white teeth or flash your pearly whites at crowds of thousands as you accept your Academy Award or Gold Logie, you should be completely committed to what you’re trying to accomplish.
One way to cement your personal commitment is to outline a step-by-step plan for reaching your goals. You can do this with any task, no matter how great or small (though you might save time to generate a mental plan for things like washing the dinner dishes, as it might take you more time to write it all down than it would to actually wash them). On a sheet of paper- or for monumental tasks such as changing careers, at the beginning of a notebook- note your starting point: where you are now. Leave yourself some space, and then jot down where you want to be and how long you plan on taking to get there. Then go back and break down the process of getting from point A to point B in detailed steps. This not only helps you to visualize reaching your goal, it also allows you to cross steps off as you complete them. Your enthusiasm will be sustained as you move further toward your goal.
While you’re writing things down, consider creating a contract with yourself to reach your objective. You can even ask a friend or family member to act as a witness, which will further solidify your intentions to follow through. Your contract can be a simple document stating your promise to yourself, or a detailed map of the things you will do to help yourself reach your aims, with deadline dates for additional motivation and bursts of enthusiasm. Keep your contract posted visibly to remind yourself of your intentions. Every time you see it, you will find yourself eager to achieve your goal and fulfill your contract.
Dangle Your Own Carrot
Ask any business owner and you’ll find out that rewards are one of the most powerful motivators. People are more willing to work toward a goal when they know they will get something out of it at the end. Since your boss probably won’t reward you for losing weight or remodeling your bathroom, you can plan to give yourself a reward when you meet a given goal.
When selecting self-rewards, be sure to match them to your goals. This will not only ensure you don’t get tired of the same reward, but will also help you when you’re planning the strategies you’ll use to accomplish your aims. For example, if you’d like to spend less time watching television and more time outside or with your family, you can reward yourself with a trip to the theater to see a great movie. If you’re planning to quit smoking, part of your strategy could be to set aside some of the money you’ll save by not buying cigarettes and get yourself a new outfit, or something you’ve had your eye on for a while but haven’t been able to afford.
Some goals come with intrinsic rewards already built in, yours for the claiming when you reach your objective. For example, if you’re going to start your own business, you already know you’ll be rewarded by working for yourself, possibly even by working out of your home. Whether you’re working for an intrinsic reward or providing yourself with an incentive, treating yourself is a great way to generate enthusiasm for the task at hand.
Surrender
That’s right. Sometimes, you should just give up.
This may not be the type of advice you’d expect to find in an article about positive thinking. However, there is a specific time when you should surrender- and that is when you hate doing what you’re doing.
“Like what you do. If you don’t like it, do something else.”
- Paul Harvey
Too many people end up settling for the life they think they ought to have, the life others have told them to expect, or the life they believe they’re stuck with. You must realize that there is room on this planet for everyone, and if you’re feeling trapped in a job you despise or a living space you can’t stand, you need to make a change- not down the road, when you have time, or as soon as you get whatever it is you’ve been waiting for; but right now. That elusive “someday” is always going to be in the future, and you can’t catch up to the future. Now is the only time you have.
This doesn’t mean you should drop everything and throw caution to the wind- at least, not in most cases. If you’re like most people, you have responsibilities that must be taken care of. However, there is always something you can do right now to cast out your net and catch “someday,” and start pulling it toward you. Do you hate your job, but lack the experience to get a different one? Start taking night classes or sign up for an online course. There are hundreds of accredited universities offering distance learning classes over the internet. Is your house or apartment located in a neighbourhood that started out great, but is becoming worse every day- and you haven’t found the time or the money to move? Take a close look at your budget and see if there’s anything you can do without for a few months, or ask your landlord or bank if they have any other properties you could look into.
Waiting fuels the fires of apathy. Doing something about your situation, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem, can start a chain reaction of enthusiasm that will energize you to reach your goals. You deserve to get what you want out of life while you’re still here to enjoy it. Don’t put it off another day, because your “someday” is right now!
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Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Are Your Thoughts Negative or are Your Thoughts Positive Discover how to Change Your Mind, and Change Your Life with Mark J Holland NLP Mind Coach
“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
- Abraham Lincoln
When tapping in to the power of positive thinking, the most important step is to create a mindset that allows you to think positively. Once you have pulled the weeds from your mental garden, you can begin to sow the seeds that will anchor your new way of life.
Creating a positive mindset takes training. In much the same manner as runners train their bodies to endure long periods of sustained activity, you can train your mind to sustain positive thought, and naturally defer to pleasant or optimistic paths. At first, thinking positively may feel awkward or ridiculous (particularly if you’re the type of person who believes perky morning people should be shot). Keep in mind, though, that it does get easier the more you do it, and eventually, sustaining a positive mindset will be as natural as breathing.
Like any training program, there are steps you can follow to achieve your optimal results: in this case, a positive mental outlook. You may recall that it takes 21 days to form a new habit (When you make an appointment with an NLP Coach it can be done over a few sessions). Therefore, you should perform each of the steps for at least 21 consecutive days. You can take on one step at a time, or implement the whole program; just be sure you aren’t leaving anything out.
Step up to your mental treadmill, and let the training begin!
Warm-up: Shake Out Negative Kinks
When you think about it, it’s obvious: negative is the opposite of positive, so in order to instil a positive mindset you need to get rid of negative thoughts. Sounds simple enough, right? The process is an easy one, but it takes practice to make it stick.
The first step in clearing negativity from your mind is to really pay attention to your thoughts. Whenever the words can’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, won’t, not, or never enter your mind, concentrate on what you’re thinking and turn it around to eliminate the negative wording. For example:
Your spouse and children are gone for a few hours, and you have the place to yourself. You’re indulging in one of your favourite activities. In the midst of your enjoyment, you start to feel guilty. You think: I really shouldn’t be doing this. I could be getting started on the project I promised someone else I’d take care of. Your enjoyment starts to fade, and you stop what you’re doing, resentful that you have to tackle this boring project when you have so little time to yourself...
Does this sound familiar? The moments you hear yourself think shouldn’t, stop right there and change direction. In this scenario, you might instead think I really should be doing this. Taking time for me is important, and when I’m relaxed and satisfied I will be able to do a better job on that project I promised someone else. I’m so glad I got the opportunity to do something I enjoy.
Try to do this every time a negative thought creeps in. The more often you banish negative ideas from your mind, the easier positive thinking will become. You will be more relaxed and receptive to positive solutions.
Work Those Mouth Muscles
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a smile is worth a million. The power of a smile is incredible. Even if you don’t feel like smiling, the simple act of lifting the corners of your mouth can help you lift your entire spirit and find something worth smiling about. Some of the greatest self-help advice out there comes from those who advocate “fake it until you make it.” This is especially true when it comes to positive thinking, and faking a smile goes a long way toward producing the genuine thing. You may end up laughing at yourself merely because you know you have nothing to smile about.
Another great thing about smiles- they’re highly contagious. A smile spreads faster than a cold in a daycare. Most people can’t help smiling back when someone casts a happy expression their way. This is a simple and exciting theory that you can test out for yourself. Go to any public place and start smiling at random people, then keep track of how many smile back (even suspicious smirking counts!). You’ll likely find that 9 out of 10 of your targets return your joyful expression to some small degree, and you’ve probably just made their day a little brighter, too.
Learning to smile on demand is an important step in developing a permanently positive mindset. One good technique for summoning smiles is to choose a happy memory that never fails to fill you with good feelings. Keep this memory at the front of your mental catalogue, and access it whenever you feel a case of the blues coming on. It may not solve your problems, but it will at least make you smile- which in turn helps you relax and take an objective look at your situation. Smiling often creates a mental cue for the foundation of positive thinking and helps prime the pumps of happiness.
You should also spend a little time in front of the mirror observing your own expressions. At first this practice may seem uncomfortable or downright silly, but smiling at your own reflection has a positive effect on your psyche. You can even practice different smile variations: the amused smirk; the close-lipped leg-pulling smile; the toothy grin; the laugh-out-loud open-mouthed smile. Think of it as an Olympic event...it’s your personal Smile Marathon, and you’ll win the gold every time!
Do Some Reps
When developing a positive mindset, the importance of repetition cannot be understated. Exercise is the key to building any muscle, so by viewing your optimistic outlook as a muscle, you can develop a reserve of happiness that will carry you through the most gruelling events.
This is not to say you shouldn’t worry about anything. Ignoring troubling events won’t make them go away. It’s important to face your problems while looking at them through a positive lens. The positive mindset itself doesn’t erase your troubles. It is simply a tool to allow you to find a solution without burning yourself out through stress and anxiety. You will find it far easier to solve problems when you can step back and look at the situation in a positive light; and often the solution will present itself with little effort, simply because your mind is clear and open enough to notice it.
The more you practice positive thinking, the more naturally it will come to you। You will find that frustrating everyday occurrences dwindle to minor nuisances, and eventually cease to trouble you altogether. Keep practicing positive thought processes, and you will be well on your way to a low-stress, high-energy lifestyle that will allow you to accomplish anything you desire.
Cool-Down: Feel the Burn
As you come to the end of your daily positive thinking workout, look back and reflect on your progress. Was there anything that seemed easier to you? Were you able to find a faster solution to a problem that would have ordinarily eaten up a lot of time in worrying? Do you feel more relaxed and ready to try again tomorrow?
Congratulate yourself on your victories. By reinforcing your accomplishments, you help to firm the foundation of your new positive mindset and lay the groundwork for your success. Every positive thought brings you one step closer to your ultimate goal. You will soon realize that you can do this, and you will have much greater enthusiasm as you proceed.
Now that you’ve planted the seeds for positive thinking, the next step is to learn how to care for your mental garden. In my next blog you will discover the fuel you need to nurture your seeds and coax new shoots from the soil of your mind. Meanwhile, keep pumping that positive thinking iron!
NLP Coaching, NLP Business Consulting and Advanced Sales Training
- Abraham Lincoln
When tapping in to the power of positive thinking, the most important step is to create a mindset that allows you to think positively. Once you have pulled the weeds from your mental garden, you can begin to sow the seeds that will anchor your new way of life.
Creating a positive mindset takes training. In much the same manner as runners train their bodies to endure long periods of sustained activity, you can train your mind to sustain positive thought, and naturally defer to pleasant or optimistic paths. At first, thinking positively may feel awkward or ridiculous (particularly if you’re the type of person who believes perky morning people should be shot). Keep in mind, though, that it does get easier the more you do it, and eventually, sustaining a positive mindset will be as natural as breathing.
Like any training program, there are steps you can follow to achieve your optimal results: in this case, a positive mental outlook. You may recall that it takes 21 days to form a new habit (When you make an appointment with an NLP Coach it can be done over a few sessions). Therefore, you should perform each of the steps for at least 21 consecutive days. You can take on one step at a time, or implement the whole program; just be sure you aren’t leaving anything out.
Step up to your mental treadmill, and let the training begin!
Warm-up: Shake Out Negative Kinks
When you think about it, it’s obvious: negative is the opposite of positive, so in order to instil a positive mindset you need to get rid of negative thoughts. Sounds simple enough, right? The process is an easy one, but it takes practice to make it stick.
The first step in clearing negativity from your mind is to really pay attention to your thoughts. Whenever the words can’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, won’t, not, or never enter your mind, concentrate on what you’re thinking and turn it around to eliminate the negative wording. For example:
Your spouse and children are gone for a few hours, and you have the place to yourself. You’re indulging in one of your favourite activities. In the midst of your enjoyment, you start to feel guilty. You think: I really shouldn’t be doing this. I could be getting started on the project I promised someone else I’d take care of. Your enjoyment starts to fade, and you stop what you’re doing, resentful that you have to tackle this boring project when you have so little time to yourself...
Does this sound familiar? The moments you hear yourself think shouldn’t, stop right there and change direction. In this scenario, you might instead think I really should be doing this. Taking time for me is important, and when I’m relaxed and satisfied I will be able to do a better job on that project I promised someone else. I’m so glad I got the opportunity to do something I enjoy.
Try to do this every time a negative thought creeps in. The more often you banish negative ideas from your mind, the easier positive thinking will become. You will be more relaxed and receptive to positive solutions.
Work Those Mouth Muscles
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a smile is worth a million. The power of a smile is incredible. Even if you don’t feel like smiling, the simple act of lifting the corners of your mouth can help you lift your entire spirit and find something worth smiling about. Some of the greatest self-help advice out there comes from those who advocate “fake it until you make it.” This is especially true when it comes to positive thinking, and faking a smile goes a long way toward producing the genuine thing. You may end up laughing at yourself merely because you know you have nothing to smile about.
Another great thing about smiles- they’re highly contagious. A smile spreads faster than a cold in a daycare. Most people can’t help smiling back when someone casts a happy expression their way. This is a simple and exciting theory that you can test out for yourself. Go to any public place and start smiling at random people, then keep track of how many smile back (even suspicious smirking counts!). You’ll likely find that 9 out of 10 of your targets return your joyful expression to some small degree, and you’ve probably just made their day a little brighter, too.
Learning to smile on demand is an important step in developing a permanently positive mindset. One good technique for summoning smiles is to choose a happy memory that never fails to fill you with good feelings. Keep this memory at the front of your mental catalogue, and access it whenever you feel a case of the blues coming on. It may not solve your problems, but it will at least make you smile- which in turn helps you relax and take an objective look at your situation. Smiling often creates a mental cue for the foundation of positive thinking and helps prime the pumps of happiness.
You should also spend a little time in front of the mirror observing your own expressions. At first this practice may seem uncomfortable or downright silly, but smiling at your own reflection has a positive effect on your psyche. You can even practice different smile variations: the amused smirk; the close-lipped leg-pulling smile; the toothy grin; the laugh-out-loud open-mouthed smile. Think of it as an Olympic event...it’s your personal Smile Marathon, and you’ll win the gold every time!
Do Some Reps
When developing a positive mindset, the importance of repetition cannot be understated. Exercise is the key to building any muscle, so by viewing your optimistic outlook as a muscle, you can develop a reserve of happiness that will carry you through the most gruelling events.
This is not to say you shouldn’t worry about anything. Ignoring troubling events won’t make them go away. It’s important to face your problems while looking at them through a positive lens. The positive mindset itself doesn’t erase your troubles. It is simply a tool to allow you to find a solution without burning yourself out through stress and anxiety. You will find it far easier to solve problems when you can step back and look at the situation in a positive light; and often the solution will present itself with little effort, simply because your mind is clear and open enough to notice it.
The more you practice positive thinking, the more naturally it will come to you। You will find that frustrating everyday occurrences dwindle to minor nuisances, and eventually cease to trouble you altogether. Keep practicing positive thought processes, and you will be well on your way to a low-stress, high-energy lifestyle that will allow you to accomplish anything you desire.
Cool-Down: Feel the Burn
As you come to the end of your daily positive thinking workout, look back and reflect on your progress. Was there anything that seemed easier to you? Were you able to find a faster solution to a problem that would have ordinarily eaten up a lot of time in worrying? Do you feel more relaxed and ready to try again tomorrow?
Congratulate yourself on your victories. By reinforcing your accomplishments, you help to firm the foundation of your new positive mindset and lay the groundwork for your success. Every positive thought brings you one step closer to your ultimate goal. You will soon realize that you can do this, and you will have much greater enthusiasm as you proceed.
Now that you’ve planted the seeds for positive thinking, the next step is to learn how to care for your mental garden. In my next blog you will discover the fuel you need to nurture your seeds and coax new shoots from the soil of your mind. Meanwhile, keep pumping that positive thinking iron!
Discover How to Clarify Your Goals, Establish Direction and Focus, Strategize Your Actions, Upgrade Your Skills and Master Your Psychology!
...with Neuro Linguistic Programming NLP Life Coaching
NLP Coaching, NLP Business Consulting and Advanced Sales Training
Monday, November 12, 2012
Secrets to Master Your Fears and Phobias
"Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Revealed! Extraordinarily Powerful Secrets to Master Your Fears and Phobias - Discover How to Dominate Them and Use Them to Your Advantage!”
From Mark J Holland - NLP Mind Coach
Dear Friend,
Can you relate to any of the following scenarios?
q You’re stuck in a job you hate because you’re afraid of the uncertainties involved in switching careers.
q You’ve never experienced the wonderful feelings of dating and romance because you’re too frightened to be in the company of the opposite sex.
q You’ve missed out on all the promising opportunities that have presented themselves to you because you’re terrified in taking the slightest risks.
q Your life sucks because you’re afraid to do anything that might compromise the feeling of safety you’re experiencing now.
q There are some things that make you shiver in terror; and it’s negatively affecting your career, relationships, and personal life.
Let’s face the truth. You can never amount to anything if you let your fears control your life. If you want a rewarding career, fruitful relationships, financial independence, or just about anything you can ever dreamed of, the first thing you should do is to dominate your fears and phobias.
It doesn’t matter if you have all the know-how in the world to become the greatest person on earth; if you let fear manipulate you, you can never proceed in taking the next step towards total freedom.
“Have you ever felt so bad because you’ve passed up on an opportunity that can change your life for the better?”
Fears and phobias have ruined the dreams and lives of millions of people. Many individuals have been held back from grabbing their piece of the success pie because of the doubts, fears, and uncertainties that have been plaguing their personalities.
“It’s Unhealthy to Be Afraid”
When you allow negative fears and phobias to be left untreated, your health may also get affected. It can result to high blood pressure, stress, or depression. Furthermore, such emotions can ruin your concentration and negatively affect your daily activities.
“Stop Being Afraid Right Now!”
How to Dominate Your Fears and Phobias is an extraordinary report that reveals amazingly easy and even fun ways to conquer fears and phobias. It utilizes radical techniques to stop malicious fears dead on their tracks.
In this book, you will learn 18 unusual yet powerful habits that can totally make you the master of your fears when applied routinely. You’ll learn not only efficient methods of controlling your fears, but you will also discover how to befriend them and use them to your advantage.
This book is the ultimate solution to eliminate your fears and phobias easily and effectively, without having to take synthetic drugs or medicines, and without having to visit your medical specialist. In fact, incurring expensive medical fees can even worsen your fears.
If you are serious in taking command over your fears using unorthodox yet highly effective methods, then you will find this book very useful.
What you will find inside How to Dominate Your Fears and Phobias:
ü How to befriend your fears and phobias.
ü How to influence and convince the people you fear.
ü The ultimate secret in enjoying your fears and phobias.
ü How healthy fears can lead to success.
ü How to use fears to your advantage and make them “user-friendly.”
ü The difference between fears and phobias.
ü How some people become masters in managing their fears.
ü Mental disorders related to phobias.
ü How to counter the root cause of fears and phobias.
ü Players in a fear scenario.
ü The types of fears considered as good and essential.
ü Characteristics of “wise people” you must possess to dominate your fears and phobias.
ü How admitting your fear can help in reducing it tremendously.
ü How to literally benefit from your fears.
ü How to practice your awareness and presence of mind.
ü How to develop the ability to size up persons and situations.
ü How to encourage and strengthen a positive mind.
ü Ways to know the reasons behind actions.
ü How to relax and lessen shock when sudden terror or trouble appears.
ü How to lessen your fear by developing a high level of sharpness in guessing people’s traits and personalities.
ü How to stop irrational fears by stretching your mind’s ability to broaden its perspectives.
ü How to create distractions to block off negative imaginations and thoughts.
ü An exercise to develop the habit of focusing and retaining in your memory only the positive things.
ü How to master your fears and doubts.
ü The first step to winning over your fears.
ü How keeping your cool can make you look tough and confident.
And a lot, lot more!
Why spend hundreds, or even thousands of dollars on techniques that are expensive, ineffective, or outdated? Why waste countless time on researching and studying, when this book already holds the golden key to release yourself from the prison cells of fears and phobias?
“Most people won’t tell others about their fears because it will bruise their egos.”
If you keep your fears and phobias to yourself and don’t let others know about it, your situation will only get worse. We understand that you might want to ask help from others, but you’re too embarrassed or frightened to do so. Let this book guide you to a fearless and phobia-free life. You don’t have to meet people or go outside. You can read it in the comfort of your own home and benefit from it immediately.
Just download How to Dominate Your Fears and Phobias – filled with powerful methods, easy applications, and in-depth research on how to get unlimited courage and confidence in no time at all!
Download How to Dominate Your Fears and Phobias Now!
You can download your own copy of How to Dominate Your Fears and Phobias right now for only $27!
Special Limited Time Offer!
For a limited time, you can get How to Dominate Your Fears and Phobias for only $19.95!
100% Money Back Guarantee!
-- 90-Day Money Back Guarantee --
If the techniques in this book do not help you live a fearless life filled with courage and confidence, or if for any reason you are not satisfied with anything this book teaches, please contact us and we’ll refund all your money immediately. No questions asked, no hard feelings.
Click Here to Order
Sincerely,
Mark J Holland
NLP Mind Coach
P.P.S. Money, career, relationships, even health - all these and more depend on the way you handle your fears. Isn’t it about time you stop fearing and start living the good life?
P.O. Box 4081 Robina Town Centre QLD 4230
info@markholland.com.au
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