Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Biggest Mistake (That Many People Make) In Trying To Influence Others

Hi Mark J Holland here, NLP Mind Coach,

I wanted to share a cool article with you, written by world renowned hypnotist Steve G. Jones on one of the biggest mistakes that people make when trying to influence others and what to do about it.

Check it out.

One of the biggest mistakes that people make when trying to influence or persuade others is to deliver their presentation based on what they think is right, what they think is fair and what they think makes sense.
In other words, people assume that the most effective way to gain compliance from others is by sharing their point of view.  The reality is that when you are trying to persuade someone, you must first gain their attention.  This can be quite challenging, because most people really don't listen, they just simply remain quiet and wait for their turn to talk.

Every time you make a presentation based on your point of view, all you do is reinforce the behaviour characterized by people not listening to you; just simply waiting for their turn to talk.

They key to gaining their attention quickly and engaging them is to construct your presentation around their view of the world; as opposed to yours.

Remember if everyone saw the world the same way and shared the same opinions, there would be no need to influence and persuade as everyone would naturally be in compliance with one another.
The method by which you construct your presentation around their view of the world is by determining their representational systems.

Representational systems are nothing more than the way we think, talk, understand and represent the world.
In Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP, there are three recognized representational systems which include visual auditory and kinaesthetic.

Visual people relate to the world generally by the way they see things.  When they speak, they will use terms like “I see, what you're saying” or “I can see why you would think that way”.

Visual people like to see the world in terms of pictures.  Therefore, creating a visual story or painting a picture for someone with this representational system will be more effective than anything else you might attempt.

Visual people also like to observe others and maybe fascinated with photography or things that generally involve admiration or envisioning.

These people also enjoy reading and watching movies very much.

What's interesting is that they usually remember names as a result of a visual cue that they received.  An example would be how something about a person's face that they just met would remind them of the person's name.

Visual people are also very concerned with their appearance, and they work better when following directions that are clearly written down.  When trying to influence a visual thinker, your best bet is to provide them with written documentation in the form of directions, proof or a general explanation of what you're speaking about.

Next on the list are auditory people.  Auditory people assimilate information by tuning in or listening to clearly hear what it is that they are being told.  They also enjoy talking with others and conversation is something that they find very interesting.

For auditory people their world is represented by sound, therefore, to get their attention and engage them, you must say something that sounds very appealing to them.

Just as visual people like to look at directions auditory people would rather hear directions read out loud by someone else, because retaining the information by looking at it can be difficult for them, whereas hearing it is much easier for them.

Auditory people like to use phrases like, “that sounds good”, “that is clear as a bell” and “listen to me”.
Simply put, auditory people understand spoken language more than anything else.  Therefore, when making a presentation to them, focus more on the way that you're saying things as opposed to writing things down or trying to create a vision for them.

The third type of representational system is called kinaesthetic.  People who fall into this category relate to the world, make decisions and behave based upon the way something feels to them.  You could call them touchy-feely people.  They relate to both touch and motion.

Auditory people assimilate information through their sense of touch.  And because of this, they are very skilled in certain areas.  As an example, they are typically known to acquire a physical skill faster than the average person.
Common phrases that you may hear come out of the mouth of a person who is kinaesthetic say things like “callus” or “all washed up”.  They may also use phrases like, “I feel you” or “that feels right”.

They also like to give analogies that relate to the way you would feel if certain event took place.  As an example, instead of saying “I was really mad”, they would say something like “my blood was boiling”.

The key to any persuasion attempt is to build rapport.  Rapport is basically the connection that you create with someone which lowers their guards and makes them more receptive to your presentation.

One of the most effective ways to build rapport is by determining which representational system a person has.
If you find in your conversation with them that they use phrases like” seeing your point” or “looking ahead to the future”, chances are this person is a visual thinker and you should communicate with them in a way that is conducive to their representational system.

Aside from understanding your message more clearly, they will also feel naturally connected to you as people generally feel bonded or connected to those that remind them of themselves or those with whom they have things in common with.

The next time you begin a conversation with someone, start paying attention to the way they communicate.  You'll begin to notice that people generally fall into one of these three categories and you will be better equipped to communicate with them.

Now there will be times where people are using multiple representational systems but generally there is one dominant system that controls their outlook on life.

Mark J Holland
NLP Mind Coach

If you enjoyed this article, then perhaps you would like to learn more about NLP. It's a powerful system of tools and techniques that can help you enhance your life and the lives of others. To learn more about Steve G. Jones's NLP courses, approved by the American University of NLP, go here: NLP Practitioner Certification.   

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