The Secret to the Quality of Your Life

Have you ever wondered what causes one person to live a life of happiness, satisfaction, joy and success, and another to live on struggle street and suffer constantly? I want to share a secret with you. 

A unique capacity all humans have is the ability to make decisions. In nearly every moment of our existence we are making decisions. We decide what we are going to wear, what we want for breakfast, which way we drive to work, what we listen too on the radio and on and on. Although it is out of our conscious awareness we are also constantly deciding what to focus on, what to think, how to respond and how to feel.

In order to make decisions we engage in a mental process that runs through a number of steps until the decision is made and action is taken. For each of us this sequence or decision making strategy is mostly out of our conscious awareness- it goes on behind the scenes and under the radar. Also, for each of us this process is created in our own unique way.

But besides decisions in the now, we have been making decisions all our lives. As soon as our mental and intellectual capacities begin to develop, the unconscious decision making process gets underway. Without even being aware of it, at a very young age we begin to decide what we want, what to value, what things mean to us, what to believe, what to think and feel and how to respond to various circumstances. These early decisions become set and when we are older we find ourselves thinking and behaving in preset ways and wondering why. Even the way in which we make decisions was set with a decision.

The quality of our lives is a direct result of our decision making strategy. Some people live extraordinary lives filled with love, abundance and happiness while others struggle for these things day in and day out. I think the difference that makes the difference in the quality of people’s lives is the quality of the decision making strategy that has guided each one of us through every day of our lives.

Here’s why. Throughout life, whenever we are faced with new circumstances or challenges, the mind runs a process to decide how to respond. The mind begins to shuffle through possible responses until it settles on one that is appropriate. Your mind has done this ever since you were extremely young. Once it settles on a response it thinks it appropriate, it puts it into practice. The responses it chooses become habituated- we end up with habitual ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. So what makes the difference in the quality of life?

Some people have excellent decision making strategies. When this process runs, the end result is empowering and enables the individual to respond to situations and circumstances in a way that enhances life. However there are those whose decision making strategy are flawed. The responses chosen at the end of the sequence leave them dis-empowered and at the mercy of their thoughts, their emotions and their life circumstances.

Today, many in the field of psychology and personal development agree that whatever we experience is, on some level, a choice, whether conscious or unconscious. If someone experiences depression, for example, this was likely an unconscious choice of how to respond to a given set of circumstances. The person’s mind ran through the possibilities of how to respond to challenges and the best possibility it found was the one it implemented. When the decision making process ends with such a disempowering result, I would say the strategy is flawed.

So what makes the difference between someone who ends up with resilience and empowerment and someone who ends up with the opposite?

There are two vital factors. The first is creativity. As the mind shuffles through possibilities, how creative is it in generating options? Does it just consider old default options that didn’t work in the past or does it generate new possibilities that might work better in the future?

Imagine going through life constantly making decisions with no access to your creative resources. You will constantly react out of old patterns and end up with the same results you have always ended up with. As you go through life you gain wisdom and experience, you learn from others around you and even have options and possibilities presented to you from books, television and movies. All these things can be drawn on to increase your creative potential for responding to different circumstances.

The most important aspect of the decision making strategy is what I call anti-virus software. When a decision is made and an appropriate response is settled upon, does the mind run a quality control check to make sure this is really the best response? In strategies that lead to disempowerment it does not and there are negative consequences. If the strategy ends with, “Ya, this will do” without a bit of “Hm, what might be wrong with this? Is there anything better?” life will be pretty rocky. This final step weeds out responses that dis-empower like depression, worry, anxiety, frustration, stress, overwhelm etc.

I realized one day as I looked back on the past on how I had become who I had become that in my own decision making strategy all throughout life there was both a lack of creativity and a lack of quality control. This left with responses to the challenges of life that were less empowering. I had to update my internal software and program in a new strategy that would enhance the quality of my life from that point on.
If your life isn’t the way you want it, take a look at how you have been making decisions about how to respond to life. You can always choose new and better ways of responding to what life sends your way.

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Inspired by David Kynan

Dreaming to Live

I have always been put off by the idea of having a “job”. The word itself has negative connotations; it’s something you have to do and you don’t want to do. Most people can’t stand the thought of Monday morning and can’t wait until Friday, when all that “work” is over for a couple of days. I always thought it was better to be poor and doing what I loved than wealthy and doing something I hated.

So many of us find ourselves stuck doing a job we don’t like because we have to pay the bills. We have grown accustomed to the steady paycheck and frankly we feel comfortable with the routine and security. Even though we want to pursue a dream, we don’t want to step out of our comfort zone. Comfort and routine have taken the place of self-actualization.

All of us have dreams but many of us don’t have the courage to pursue them. We have been told since childhood “that’s impossible” and we decided to believe it. We don’t want to take risks or make sacrifices, and our fear of failure keeps us stuck where we are. We feel we aren’t able or that we don’t deserve it or we feel guilty about going our own way or having more success than our friends, family members or parents. Instead of believing in our dreams, somehow we have come to have more faith and conviction in the belief that our dreams are impossible.

Some of us put our dreams on hold out of responsibility to our family. We want to provide our loved ones with security and avoid taking risks, even though they would support us in pursuing our vision if we expressed it to them. If it’s not about family, we justify the status quo with the belief that “my company and my colleagues need me. What would they do without me?” So we put responsibility to others before our dreams, even though the contribution we could make if we live our passion would be much greater than the value we add when we do something we hate because we feel we have to.When we do a job because we feel we have to, life loses meaning. We find ourselves depressed and disillusioned, and rightly so. The emotions are a signal letting us know that our circumstances do not match our values and aspirations.

Oscar Wilde said “the supreme object of life is to live. Few people live. It is true life only to realize one’s own perfection, to make one’s every dream a reality.” Dreams make life worth living. They give meaning to existence and guide us to unleashing our full potential. Which leaves one question: are you really living?

I believe we all have something unique and something of value to offer to the world. We all have unique talents or interests, and we all have something we are passionate about… but we don’t believe we could make into a living. The happiest, most fulfilled and most successful people in the world have taken their passion and turned it into a livelihood. Some believe we each have a calling, but I believe we each have the power to choose our calling.

When we turn our passion into something that adds value to others’ lives and something people are willing to pay for, life becomes what Deepak Chopra calls the “continued expansion of happiness and the progressive realization of worthy goals.” They say that money buys happiness… but really, happiness buys money.

One of my favourite examples of someone pursuing a dream is the story of Debbie Macomber. Debbie wanted to be a writer. For 2 ½ years she typed in her kitchen each morning after the kids went to school. One day her husband Wayne decided it could go on no longer, telling her they could not survive any longer on his income alone. Distraught she remained awake all night. When her husband asked her what was wrong she told him she was convinced she could make it as a writer.

After a long silence, he told her “All right honey, go for it.” For another 2 ½ years her family struggled financially. And it paid off. Now Debbie has written over 100 books, some have been New York Times best-sellers and 3 have sold for movies. There are over sixty million copies of her books in print. Needless to say, after years of penny pinching, the family is quite comfortable now (no need to mention their 7000 square-foot mansion).

So are you doing what you love? What is your vision? How many reasons do you have for why you cannot pursue it?

Self-actualizers pursue their passions. They take something they absolutely love to do and they find a way to use it to add value to other’s lives. They love what they do so much that they can’t believe people pay them to do it. And they thrive. It’s not about working toward some destination, but doing what they love and enjoying the journey.

Most people don’t think big enough. Instead of being driven by possibility, we are held back by our own limitations and limited perceptions.

What is your “impossible” dream?

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Benefits of NLP Mind Coaching

A whole range of NLP techniques are applicable to coaching, so we will look at one and see how much you can get from a foundation NLP tool.

Perceptual Positions an NLP Technique

Perceptual positions is an NLP exercise geared to looking at a situation from multiple perspectives. Any given situation has several different perspectives and different information can be gain from each. The first is obviously your own, the second is the perspective from another person that is involved in the situation and the third is a neutral, unconnected perspective. Each of these positions would give you more information about the situation and the opportunity to influence what is happening. A fuller explanation of perceptual positions can be found on my website.

A Business Coaching Example of Using NLP Techniques

There are many NLP tools that a coach might use in the first instance, but for illustration purposes we will restrict this to just using perceptual positions.

The coach might use this technique for themselves initially to get a flavour of what their client is thinking and, if it is a business context how the business views the situation.

A typical business coaching situation might involve a client who has a new role that they have some doubts over. Perhaps they also don't know how to approach their new team and are unsure about what is expected of them.

You could use Perceptual Positions for every part of this situation.

Getting the client to look at the situation from the perspective of their new boss and doing a skills analysis from this perspective would give them confidence. They were employed for the role therefore someone has faith in them and seeing their skills from this perspective will help.

Seeing the role from the perspective of the job and the organisations might yield clues as to direction, goals expectations.

Looking at the new team's perspective and then getting the client to plan their approach from this and the organisation's perspective might give them a different view of how to meet, motivate set expectations with the new team.

Also, getting the client to imagine a future version of themselves that is happy, comfortable and settled in the role may help. But what if you took a neutral, observer perspective on the difference between the two and develop the action plan to take you from the current state to the future state?

Coaching using NLP Techniques

The illustration above was just to demonstrate how a foundation level NLP Tool could be used in multiple ways in a single coaching situation. The reality is that there are many powerful NLP Techniques a good coach will employ for you to get results.

As an example, whatever you happen to be doing there is an ideal frame of mind associated with it. Athletes recognise this as being in the zone or a flow state. Any good coach will have a coach state they have anchored and can fire off to be in the right frame of mind to assist you as a client. If appropriate they could be showing you how to do the same for your role.

A whole range of NLP techniques are applicable to coaching, so we will look at one and see how much you can get from a foundation NLP tool.

The Real Power of NLP Coaching Techniques

Language (both verbal and non verbal) binds the relationship between coach and client. But language is just a filter on our thoughts and impacts how we represent the world to ourselves.

A good coach is trained to notice these filters in themselves and others and then can open or restrict them to provide a better frame on the situation. A good NLP Practitioner Course will show you how to do that and much more.

This is why all good coaches study NLP.

My expectations of a good NLP Business Coach to that coaching situation described above would be to linguistically given you change strategies, installed empowering beliefs and set pre-frames that eliminate self doubt before you have even started the session. All of a saddened you might find yourself filling in the detail and getting results within a framework of fun coaching session.

Anyone interested in getting great performance out of themselves should consider a coach...but if you are unreasonable, impatient and want those results faster then a NLP Coach is a serious consideration.

Anyone interested in getting great performance out of themselves should consider a coach...but if you are unreasonable, impatient and want those results faster then a NLP Coach is a serious consideration.

Rintu Basu is the only NLP and Persuasion Trainer in the UK. Having worked with businesses, the police service and the financial sector. His latest venture is developing NLP in Scotland through good quality public NLP training courses as well as an exclusive NLP Coaching practice.

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Transforming Your Life with NLP Mind Coaching

The Power to transform lives, NLP Mind Coaching is a tool for Personal Development.


Do you allow negative thoughts and emotions to creep into your mind?

What about negative thoughts about your financial future
Or you maybe worried about the economic climate

Negative emotions like:
I will never loose that weight
I will never have that perfect partner in my life
Anger, Sadness, Guilt,

Do you have any Behaviour you no longer want to do?

Overeating
Nail biting
Cheating on your spouse
Gambling

How would you like a way to replace these negative thoughts and emotions and unwanted behaviours?

With positive things, positive thoughts, positive behaviours

Our bodies were created to produce results based on what we focus on.


NLP Mind Coaching is about changing the thoughts we have, stop thinking about what we don’t want and start thinking about what we do want, now

What do you really want?

Take the time to focus with all your energy on what you want.

Even when you think things may go wrong, if you follow this thinking you are immediately of target to what you really want.


With NLP Mind Coaching I will reveal to you a way you can let go of all your negative emotions from the past.

NLP is a technology and a bunch of techniques on how your mind works.

http://www.nlpmindcoach.com

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Positive Changes with NLP Mind Coaching - Mark J Holland

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http://www.nlpmindcoach.com/ -
Building confidence - Increased self-awareness - Improved goal
setting - Live a more balanced life - Lower stress levels - Increased self-confidence - Enhanced communication skills - Improved project completion - Better relationships at work - Fuller family relationships - Ability to enjoy life more - Career Advancement - Anxiety, panic and fears - Weight loss - Stress management - Sleep disturbances - Habit control - Pain management - Academic performance - Sporting performance - Motivation and creativity.
http://www.nlpmindcoach.com/


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How to Liberate Your Dreams – Mark J Holland NLP Mind Coach

“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; there is where they belong. Now put foundations under them.”
- Henry David Thoreau

Whatever your dreams are for your life, Changing the way you think, un- consciously and positive thinking can help you achieve them. Lifelong dreams can take many forms, whether it is travelling to an exotic location, performing a daredevil stunt, or meeting a particular celebrity.

With un-conscious state change and positive thinking, you can take the necessary steps to make your fondest dreams a reality.

It’s said that a clear outcome or goal is a dream with a deadline. Un-conscious State Change and Positive thinking helps you realize not only that you can live your dreams, but that you deserve to live them.

Un-conscious State Change and Positive thinking allows you to:

• Understand that no dream is too great or too small.
• Develop a mindset that is conducive to dream fulfilment. (This can be done in one single NLP Mind Coaching Session)
• Formulate a concrete, manageable plan for making your dreams come true.
• Equip yourself with the determination necessary to keep going until you reach your dream.
• Dream bigger than you ever would have, with the realization that there is no limit to what you can accomplish.

Liberate you Dreams while Changing your thinking, expect transformation in your Results.

Re-ignite the dreams you truly desire. NLP Mind Coaching – Life Coaching with results!

Copyright 2009 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
====================================

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Believe in Yourself – Mark J Holland NLP Mind Coach

“Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.”
- Richard Bach

Believing in yourself and your abilities is absolutely the most important thing you can do on your journey to positive thinking. It is critical to develop the self-confidence you need to carry you through to the realization of your goals.

Self-confidence is a bit different from self-esteem. Self-esteem refers to your feelings about yourself, your behaviours and your worth as a person. Self-confidence is your belief in your abilities and in the way you present yourself to the world. The actions of others are more likely to erode your self-confidence rather than your self-esteem. However, the two emotions have quite a bit in common. Both are measures of your inherent or developed belief in yourself- and both can be easily pushed off balance, resulting in either over-confident or defeatist behaviours that distance you from your ultimate objectives.

As previously discussed, you need to create a balance between too little self-confidence and too much. You cannot accomplish anything without self-confidence; on the other hand, too much self-confidence can ensure that you don’t try hard enough to reach your goals, and you will fall short of realizing your possibilities.

Once you understand that you truly can do anything you put your mind to, you will have unlocked the key to changing the way you think. There is no limit to the power of the human mind. Your possibilities really are endless.

You can help yourself build self-confidence through a simple daily exercise you develop yourself after learning the basic premise. Like most of the practices for working with positive thinking, you may feel ridiculous at first (yes, we are aiming to make you feel ridiculous. Next we break out the funny nose glasses and technicolour outfit). Here are the basic steps to your daily self-confidence routine, which is best performed in the morning as you prepare to face the day:

• Decimate distractions. You need this time to yourself. You deserve this time to yourself. While you’re performing your self-confidence routine, don’t answer the phone, check your e-mail, watch television, or listen to the radio. Let household members know that this time is your time, and you would prefer not to be disturbed.
• Get physical. Pamper yourself with your daily physical preparations. When you shower, use your favourite soap or scented body wash. Choose clothing that makes you feel good and matches your mood. Make yourself comfortable with the way you look, and your self-confidence will rise to match it.
• Focus forward. As you get ready, reflect on what you want to accomplish for the day. Be sure to consider the mood you want to set for yourself as well as any goals or objectives you will reach. You might even partake in a quick receptive visualization session to see yourself reaching your goals and cement them in your mind.
• Get pumped. Now comes the ridiculous part. Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and sing your own praises. Out loud. Tell yourself that you are the person you want to be; that you possess worthwhile qualities; that you can do that which you are now setting out to do. Be as specific as possible. Instead of saying, “I am competent,” say: “I know how to handle problems when they arise.” The more specific you are, the more effective your self-confidence routine will prove to be.

Self-confidence is the glue that holds your personality together. If you are serious about changing your life, developing a healthy self-confidence will equip you to do it quickly and effortlessly. Don’t let fear, worry and doubt keep you from blossoming into confidence. You can accomplish anything, as long as you believe you can. It really is as simple as that.

Increase Self Esteem, Overcome Depression, Personal Development, NLP Mind Coaching, and Life Coaching

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If Your Buds Shrivel, Add More Fertilizer - Mark J Holland - NLP Mind Coach

“Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”
- Japanese proverb

Like any program, there may come a point in your quest to harness the power of positive thinking when you begin to backslide. If your situation becomes extraordinarily difficult, you may be tempted to stop using positive thinking altogether. However, this is absolutely the worst thing you can do.

“Most people achieve their greatest successes one step beyond what looked like their greatest failure.”
- Brian Tracy

Hang in there! Remember that the more changes you are trying to make in your life, the harder you will have to work at positive thinking to make them. It will get easier. The best thing you can do if you feel you’re starting to lose ground is to keep thinking positively. Today we will discuss things to keep in mind to help you through the rough patches.

When the Door Closes, Go Out the Window

The goals you’ve set for yourself are worth achieving. If you continually run up against obstacles that seem insurmountable, you may be approaching your objectives in the wrong way. There is always a solution to every problem; it just may not be what you expected.

Step back from your situation and try to look at the big picture. Are you throwing yourself repeatedly into a brick wall? If so, maybe instead of trying to burst through the opposition, you could try going around or climbing over it.
One example might be attempting to change jobs. Have you been putting your resume in at every available company, only to be turned down or told there were no positions open? In this case, you might think about your career as a whole.

Your current job may be a little too high-stress for your long-term satisfaction.

Are you truly satisfied doing what you’re doing? If you are, perhaps there are similar jobs in other industries you could look into. If not, you may want to consider abandoning your search for the same job at a different company and start training yourself for a whole new career. It’s never too late to start doing what you love, and those brick walls may be telling you that the path you’re trying to follow is not the right one for you.
Buried Alive: What to Do When Your Mountain Crumbles

Tragedy can strike any one of us at any time. Life is precarious and unpredictable, and there are any number of events that can trigger a major life change. Company layoffs, a sudden and unexpected move, a crippling accident, or the loss of a loved one can devastate the most carefully laid plans.

If a major trauma occurs in your life while you are trying to pull everything together, the first thing you should do is take some time for yourself. If you attempt to keep going as though everything is fine and nothing has changed, you will end up burying emotions that will come back to haunt you. Buried pain can poison your mental garden as effectively as arsenic-laced groundwater. It is essential to properly mourn major losses in life, if only so you can fully realize what is missing and learn to compensate for it.

When enough time has passed to allow you to view the situation with more objectivity, review the traumatic event using the lens of positive thinking. What was the bright side of the situation? Were there any lessons to be learned from it? How did the event change you, and can you use that change to become a stronger, more confident person?

Facing tragedy when it occurs is an essential step in your ability to persevere during rough times. You don’t have to hide from tragedy- but you also don’t have to let it crush your spirit and sap your energy. Mourn your losses when they occur, but develop the ability to discern when it’s time to move on.

Using Your Lifelines

Do you have a support network? When your good intentions start to slide off your path to success, it is helpful to have friends and family you can turn to and share your troubles with. Hearing words of encouragement, especially from people who know what you’re trying to accomplish, can provide you with the impetus you need to keep going, even when a bend in your tunnel prevents you from seeing the light at the end.

You should also be able to call on yourself and your own reserves of energy to carry you through difficult times. If you made a contract with yourself to reach a certain goal, go back and review it. Have you stuck to your original intentions, or have you drifted away from your success blueprint? One advantage to having a detailed plan to reach your goals is the ability to go back and figure out where you were led astray, and retrace your steps so you can return to your intentions. If you’ve discovered along the way that your goals have changed, you can map out a new path and start at the beginning.

Have you been keeping your journal? If you start to lose faith in the power of positive thinking, try looking back and reflecting on all that you have accomplished so far. Even if things are hard for you right now, you should have already proven to yourself that positive thinking works fairly well for being a bunch of crap. Don’t be afraid to pile on a new load of fertilizer when your first crop doesn’t make it all the way.

Whether you’ve had a few false starts or discovered your natural green thumb, you should soon be well on your way to the harvest, which is the realization of everything you want out of life. Your tender shoots will develop into sturdy plants; able to weather the worst storms life manages to send your way. You are about to see the first blossoms of your efforts, bursting from the melting crust of your former self like daisies in the spring.


Now you Take Immediate Control of your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny?.... make an appointment today with Mark Holland NLP Mind Coach…

• As your NLP Mind Coach, I’ll help you discover what’s really most important to you in your life.
• Then I’ll help you design a plan to achieve those things.
• I’ll work with you to eliminate any obstacles or blocks that stand in your way.
• I’ll partner with you all the way to success.
• Then I’ll celebrate with you!


• Also you can Learn Advanced Communications Skills to Influence others with Integrity and Ease.
• Learn the Structure of Rapport and How to create it in Seconds.
• Read Body Language and Voice, Understanding what is going on Beneath the Surface.
• Rearrange Your Own Reality to Create Profound Growth in yourself personally and in your business.
• Develop new unconscious habits that are consistent with the goals you want to achieve, and give you some tools you can use to immediately increase your sales.

Increase Self Esteem, Overcome Depression, Relationship Advice, NLP Coaching, and Life Coaching

Copyright 2008 Mark J Holland.
All Rights reserved.
http://www.markholland.com.au/
====================================
I'd love to read your comments below…

Take Me As I Am: Kicking the Approval Habit - Mark J Holland

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”
- Dr. Wayne Dyer

Everyone wants approval and acceptance from those we care about. However, too often we depend on approval so much that we lose sight of the most important approval of all: our own.

Do you find yourself agreeing just to avoid disagreeing? Are you constantly seeking out the approval of others before you make a decision? This approval addiction is damaging to your quest for improving your life through positive thinking. By feeding your approval habit, you become less reliant on your own thoughts and feelings, and therefore less in tune with your goals and what is truly best for you. Though it’s nice to have the support of other people, the only person you can make happy one hundred percent of the time is you.

How can you kick the approval habit and stop worrying about what other people think of your actions? Here are several action plans you can follow in order to make sure your people-pleasing prowess is used only where you want it to be, and not as a crutch for social acceptance.
Know Your Code

In order to avoid seeking approval for approval’s sake, you have to know your own beliefs and standards. Being aware of what you believe in will help you voice your opinions and choose the right path for yourself, even when others don’t agree. Developing a healthy moral code is an important part of the process of positive thinking.

Writing down your moral code can help to cement your ideals and beliefs and serve as a guide for your decision-making process. Think about the issues that are important to you. Do you believe family values come before everything else? Is your career important to you? Where do you stand on politics: would you rather be vocal in your beliefs, or try to make a difference in the background through voting? Your moral code should govern your actions in every situation, and you should never violate your beliefs simply to gain approval from someone else.

Standing up for what you believe in can be an integral part of taking control of yourself and your life. When you stop seeking approval or validation for all of your thoughts and ideas, you become a stronger person- and the people who truly care about you will respect and admire you for it, rather than turning away. Be informed and develop your moral code, then stick to it. You will be surprised at how much better you feel about yourself...and you won’t need anyone else to second your opinion.

Graduate from High School

For many of us, the need for acceptance began in high school. The desire to fit in is strong for most teens, and generally when you’re in school there is nothing more important than friends. Once we leave the structures confines of school and enter the adult world, it can be difficult to shake the feeling that you are only a worthy person if you have a lot of friends, or the “right” friends.

As adults, we need to discard the petty social pecking order of our school days. Life is not a popularity contest. It may not surprise you to learn that the most successful adults were social outcasts in school. A large part of the reason for this is because they did not cultivate the acceptance of their peers, they were free to invest in themselves, gaining knowledge and developing strong personalities that did not depend on validation from the “in” crowd.
In case you need proof, check out the following list of successful people who struggled through high school at the bottom of the food chain:

• Peter Daniels was told he would never amount to anything. He became a Multi-Millionaire and continues to influence the culture nationally and internationally.
• Voluptuous actress and model Heather Graham was teased constantly for being quiet and physically underdeveloped.
• Walt Disney was considered a shiftless dreamer who would never amount to anything by his teachers and fellow students.
• Eytan Sugarman- owner of the NYC nightclub Suede which is frequented by the likes of Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, and Leonardo DiCaprio- was a chubby and friendless child whose guidance counsellors’ told him his life would go nowhere.

As an adult, you are much more capable of realizing that peer acceptance doesn’t matter outside of high school. You should strive to be true to yourself. Remember, there is a place for everyone- it’s a big planet.

Weed Your Friendship Garden

Many of us tend to judge our worth by the number of friends we have. However, this is not always an accurate assessment, and it can be tiring to keep up with your lunch dates and Christmas card lists- particularly when you have friends who you can’t be yourself with.

Take some time to evaluate your friendships. Are there people you spend time with who seem to drain you whenever you’re around them? Do you constantly feel like a phony when you’re interacting with them, and watch the clock until sufficient time has passed so you can excuse yourself from the conversation? Friends are wonderful to have, but some friendships just aren’t worth cultivating.
The next time you find yourself trapped in an awkward situation and are afraid to voice your true thoughts, try speaking your mind anyway. It’s likely that one of two things will happen: either the person you’re talking with will be interested in your opinion and you’ll find the conversation moving into genuine territory, or you will notice a sudden drop in temperature and hear those excuses you usually make to escape come from the other person. If the case is the former, you have improved your relationship and can relax around the person; if it’s the latter, you have just rid yourself of an unnecessary drain on your energy and positive thought process.

There is nothing wrong with ending friendships that just aren’t working out. Chances are, the other person will be just as relieved as you are, and you will both be able to strengthen the relationships you have with true friends. It will take some time to cull the weeds from your friendship garden, but it will be worth it for everyone involved. Freeing yourself from damaging relationships helps you kick the approval habit when you no longer have to “fake it” to get along with anyone.

Blood is Thicker than Embarrassment

It’s one thing to sever relationships with friends, and quite another to do the same with family. Most of us are raised with the idea that family is important, and we tend to be more forgiving of family members as well as seek their approval for our actions more often. We are afraid to be ourselves around family members; often because people change, and we fear our close relatives won’t like the changes that come into our lives. So we are forced to continue acting as if we are the same people we were five, ten, or fifteen years ago. This produces an uncomfortable relationship at best, and can lead to estrangement or avoidance if left unchecked.

Try to keep in mind that just as you are forgiving of your family members’ collective flaws and personality quirks, they will be forgiving of yours. When you truly care about someone, you accept them for who they are and don’t judge them on the basis of their thoughts, opinions and habits. Why wouldn’t your family extend the same courtesy to you?

Being yourself and not requiring approval from your family may be even more important than doing so with friends. We tend to derive the basis of our self-security level from our interactions with our family, and if we cannot be comfortable around family that sense of false security spreads into all areas of our lives. If you’ve been hiding some aspect of your personality or belief system from your family out of fear they won’t accept you, try easing into your own opinions gradually. You may be surprised to discover that the people who care about you are more accepting than you think. Sometimes, they may have been practicing the same guarded emotional stance as you, and will be just as relieved when it’s finally out in the open.

In any case, you don’t need approval from even your family for the things you want to accomplish. Though it is more difficult to exclude a family member from your life, if it is more damaging to include them, perhaps you should consider putting some distance between yourself and the destructive family member. Many people are content with agreeing to disagree, and in time both of you may come to an understanding. Meanwhile, don’t let your need for approval overshadow your need to be you. Please yourself first, because no one else is going to do it for you.

How can you Take Immediate Control of your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny?.... make an appointment today with Mark Holland NLP Coach…

• As your NLP Coach, I’ll help you discover what’s really most important to you in your life.
• Then I’ll help you design a plan to achieve those things.
• I’ll work with you to eliminate any obstacles or blocks that stand in your way.
• I’ll partner with you all the way to success.
• Then I’ll celebrate with you!


• Also you can Learn Advanced Communications Skills to Influence others with Integrity and Ease.
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• Develop new unconscious habits that are consistent with the goals you want to achieve, and give you some tools you can use to immediately increase your sales.

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