How Not to Take On Too Much - It's OK To Say No - Mark J Holland NLP Mind Coach

“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” - Theodore Roosevelt

People are always going to ask you to do things for them. That’s life. Often we are asked to make commitments we don’t feel comfortable with, don’t have time for, or just plain don’t want to make- but saying “no” makes us feel even worse than agreeing to something we don’t like.

Women especially fall victim to the over-commitment syndrome. You should make it a habit to say “no” more often, particularly when you know that agreeing to take on a certain commitment is going to wreak havoc with your life, even though the little voice in your head is telling you accepting would be the “nice” thing to do. When it comes to your sanity, the nicest thing is to make sure you don’t over-extend yourself and end up performing a large number of tasks with substandard results.

The first step in learning to say no is deciding which things you should agree to commit to, and which things are all right to pass on. This decision should stem from your personal priorities; the things that are important to you and your life. This is one reason why it’s important to define your goals clearly when you begin using the power of positive thinking. Weigh each request against your goals and decide whether agreeing to them would move you closer or further away from your objectives.

When you come to a point where you must refuse a request, there are several ways to say no without hurting feelings or making yourself appear inconsiderate. Be as honest as possible when saying no, and you will be able to proceed with a guilt-free conscience.

Need an excuse? Here are the top ten ways to say no nicely:

1. “No.” Sometimes, the best way to refuse is politely, but directly. If someone in your life is constantly asking you to do things they could easily handle themselves, a firm “no” is the only way to get them to stop. Another approach to problematic people with frequent requests is to tell them, “I know you’ll do a great job handling it on your own.”

2. “I’m in the middle of several other projects/commitments right now.” Don’t be afraid to tell people when you’re busy. Most will respect your schedule and find another way to fulfill their requests for help. You shouldn’t be expected to drop tasks you’ve already committed to in order to complete new ones.

3. “I need to focus on [my career, my family, my personal life] at the moment.” If you’re going through a difficult time in another area of your life that requires your attention, don’t hesitate to refuse taking on extra requests. You don’t necessarily have to explain your specific reasoning for taking a pass; just indicate that you

4. “I don’t feel I’m the best person to handle that task.” When you don’t feel qualified to handle something requested of you, say so. Explain that you don’t want to do a poor job, because you know this task is important to the person asking you to do it. Chances are, they want the task done well, too.

5. “I can’t do it, but I know someone else who can.” Only use this “no” form if you truly know someone who can not only handle the task, but has the time to do it. It’s nice to be able to offer alternative help, but only if you can follow through on your offer. Referring people to someone else who won’t be able to help either will be viewed as a brush-off; the person who originally came to you will think you never actually wanted to help them in the first place.

6. “I’m not comfortable/don’t enjoy doing that.” Stick to your guns. If you’re asked to do something that seems wrong or a task you despise doing, don’t agree to it and explain why. This way you will be able to avoid repeat requests for the same thing.

7. “I can’t help right now, but ask me later.” Again, be honest with this statement. If you really do want to help out, but just don’t have the time when the request is made, let the person asking you know that you’d be happy to help out when you can. If possible, give them a specific availability, like tomorrow or next week, when you know you’ll be free. If they need the task done before then, they will find someone else.

8. “I have no experience with this type of task.” This is similar to stating you’re not the best person for the job, but more significant- at least for you. When you take on a task for someone else, you shouldn’t have to learn a whole new skill set just to complete one thing. However, if it’s something you were planning to learn anyway, you might want to take advantage of the opportunity to learn something new.

9. “I know you want to [other person’s objective] but I can’t get away from [other commitment] right now.” This is a polite way to acknowledge the needs of the other person while refusing to overburden yourself. This can also open the opportunity to handle the root issue of the request in a way that is convenient for both of you.

10. “No, but...” If for whatever reason you can’t commit to a request, you can offer an alternative that would be beneficial to the situation. Perhaps you’re unable to perform the specific task requested, but there is another aspect of the project you would be able to help out with. Again, this leaves your options open without making you seem callous or unconcerned with whomever is making a request of you.

Practice saying no both at home and at work, whenever you’re asked to take on more than you know you can handle. Overextending yourself can be a hard habit to break, but it is an essential step in getting out of your own way so you can accomplish your life’s goals. You deserve time for yourself, and you must be responsible for ensuring your personal needs are met.

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How To Eradicate Procrastination - Mark J Holland NLP Mind Coach

“To be always intending to make a new and better life but never find time to set about it is as... to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you’re dead.”
- Og Mandino

Procrastination is the easiest thing in the world to perfect- and one of the hardest habits to break. There will always be a good reason to put off whatever you want to accomplish, whether it’s vacuuming the lounge room carpet or finally taking that Tropical Holiday you’ve been planning for years.

When you realize you’re putting something off, one of the best things you can do is to ask yourself why you don’t want to do it. The reasons for procrastination are as varied as the people who practice it: the task is boring or repetitive; you are afraid you won’t be able to handle it; the project is difficult or time-consuming; it is going to be an unpleasant experience; you dread the possible consequences of seeing the task through to completion. Once you know what is stopping you from moving ahead, you can determine your strategy for accomplishing your goal and get un-stuck.

How do you crush procrastination in its tracks? The remedies for moving past procrastination include:

• Just do it. Whatever the task you’re facing, simply pick a point and get started. Often things are not as bad as they seem, and once you start doing something it’s easier to build up momentum that will carry you through to the end. Tell yourself that when you finish the unpleasant task, you won’t have it hanging over your head and you can move on to better things.

• Break it up, people. Take a few minutes to break up larger tasks into small, manageable goals. For example, if you are attempting to organize your desk at work, you might pick one drawer and get that done, and then take a break and do something else before returning for the next drawer. Meeting a series of small goals is more motivating and encouraging than trying to tackle a huge project all at once.

• Cut through the fluff. Prepare yourself to work through distractions when you’re taking on a task. If possible, ignore the phone- and definitely resist the temptation to play Solitaire or check your e-mail a dozen times. Make sure your mind is made up to do whatever it is you’re doing and nothing else until it’s finished. You will feel better knowing it’s done, and you’ll waste less time on sideline projects.

• Stick to the program. Ensure you have enough time to finish the task you’re starting. If you know you’re going to be interrupted or run out of time before you’re through, choose one part of the task to complete instead of trying to rush through the whole thing. Rushing to meet a deadline you know you can’t make causes more stress, and can actually make things happen slower because you’re worried that you won’t be able to accomplish what you’ve set out to do. Give yourself a break, and your stress level will thank you.

• Expect the unexpected. Despite our best positive thinking efforts, things do occasionally take a turn for the unexpected. Delays are a given in many situations. When you’re planning a task or goal, it is important to factor in time in case things go wrong. Delays are a major facilitator of procrastination: it’s easy to convince yourself to put things off when you already have to wait. Make sure you have a backup plan in place so you can avoid putting things off and still meet your completion goals comfortably.

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Is Positive Thinking really worth It? - Mark J Holland NLP Mind Coach

“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.”
- Aldous Huxley

As you practice using positive thinking, you will find that things begin to change for you. Sometimes the change is so gradual you don’t notice anything at all, until one day someone else tells you that you seem different. They may ask if you’ve gotten a new outfit, changed your hair, lost weight, or won the lottery. Tapping in to positive thinking not only makes you happier, it also makes you more attractive; the kind of person others want to be around.

Now that you’ve had some experience, you might recognize some of the common signs of positively charged people. Check out this list of things you have to look forward to.

You Know You’re a Positive Thinker When:

• Your grueling drive to work goes by so quickly, you wonder why it ever bothered you in the first place.

• The clerk at the grocery store gives you the wrong change, you point it out with a smile- and she happily corrects the mistake.

• You waited in line at the post office for twenty-five minutes on your lunch hour...and your life didn’t end.

• The new part for your car finally arrived at the garage after a week on backorder, but it was the wrong one. You were so nice about accepting the delay when the garage called that they offered you a substantial discount on your repair bill.

• Every time you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror, you’re smiling- and you don’t think you look like a moron.

• You put the oven on too high and burned dinner...then wound up having something even better than you’d planned.

• Suddenly you have a lot more free time on your hands, and plenty of things to do with it- plus enough energy to do them.

• The last time you thought the word can’t was in the phrase I can’t believe all these great things are happening to me.

Positive thinking has the power to change your life, as long as you believe it does. As you continue to use positive thinking techniques, you will find you don’t have to put much effort into achieving what you want.

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You can create radical transformation, imagine being able to transform your Mental, Physical, Financial, Emotional, and Spiritual Life.  Take control of your most important asset in life, the power of your mind.

How to Hook Up to Positive Energy - Mark J Holland NLP Mind Coach

“No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.”
- Helen Keller

Enthusiasm is the sunshine of your mind’s garden. Possessing enthusiasm for all that you do is essential to the process of positive thinking. Just as plants require sunlight to develop and grow, utilizing the power of positive thinking requires enthusiasm to energize your potential and ensure an endless supply of fuel.
You will discover that the more enthusiasm you generate, the more energy you’ll have to put in. There are some things it will be easy to generate enthusiasm over, and others where you’ll have to stretch yourself to find what will spark your enjoyment. For example, no one has trouble generating enthusiasm for spending an unexpected bonus from work or taking a night out. However, you may find it hard to get excited about washing dishes or filling out your tax return forms. But part of the magic of positive thinking is developing the ability to find the good things in any situation and use them to get through the difficult parts.

Like developing a positive mindset, enthusiasm must be cultivated and sheltered from potentially damaging emotional storms. There are several methods you can use to put a dose of passion into everything you do, whether it’s finally taking that dream holiday or cleaning out the garage. You can choose the method that best fits whatever situation you’re facing and ensure yourself the energy to tackle anything life happens to throw at you.

What’s In It for Me?

One of the most elemental solutions for finding enthusiasm is to focus on the benefit you will derive from completing a particular task. In some situations it’s easy to discover the benefit. For instance, you may hate wrapping presents, but you know the person you’re giving the present to will be overjoyed when presented with this lovely paper-wrapped gift, and so you derive happiness from envisioning the recipient opening the present. This is an especially useful tactic when you’re still up at 2 a.m. on Christmas morning trying to figure out how to wrap the bicycle you’ve just spent three hours putting together.

Other circumstances will not have such obvious benefits. If you were to find yourself trying to change a flat tire on the side of the road in the middle of a rainstorm it would undoubtedly be difficult to find your silver lining. Under stressful circumstances, give yourself permission to think of the wildest benefit you can come up with. Perhaps you were on your way to a party you would rather not have gone to. In that case, your flat tire would give you the perfect excuse to turn around and go back home.

There is some good in every situation, whether it’s in the form of a benefit or a lesson to be learned (Lesson One: Never drive with questionable tires through a thunderstorm to a party you didn’t want to attend in the first place). You can harness the power of positive thinking by finding that good and exploiting it, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem.
The Buddy System

If you’re having trouble summoning enthusiasm for a particular task, try to seek out someone who enjoys doing that sort of thing and ask them to partner up with you. Like smiling, enthusiasm is contagious. If you spend some time observing another person’s enthusiasm, some of it is bound to rub off on you.

If you don’t know anyone who might be enthusiastic about what you’re trying to accomplish, try going online to look up articles or blogs (web logs, which are usually personal, regularly updated online journals) pertaining to the subject. Sometimes merely reading about someone else’s enthusiasm can help you find some aspect of the task to enjoy, and get you through it with a minimal amount of stress, anxiety and dread. (Be warned: it may be difficult to discover anyone who enjoys scrubbing toilets or emptying cat litter boxes. In these cases, you might be on your own!)
Knowledge is Power

Muddling through a particular task or project can be daunting if you don’t know what you’re doing. If you’re the type of person who never asks for directions or reads the instructions, you may be tempted to take on challenges in areas where your knowledge is limited. Even if you’re not, you may find yourself faced with taking on a task you don’t feel qualified to handle, whether it’s filling in for someone in a different department at work or changing an baby’s nappy for the first time.

The more you know about what you’re doing, the easier it will be to accomplish. This may seem self-explanatory, but many people don’t realize that you can always find out more information. It only takes a few minutes to look up something on the internet, consult a reference book, or call up someone you know has experience with the issue you’re facing.

Gaining knowledge has other benefits as well. The more you know about a given subject, the better you will be able to focus on your goal and work toward it. You cannot reach your destination if you cannot find the path. Look upon knowledge as the pruning shears of your mental garden, clearing the way for enthusiasm to grow and spread. With the right set of tools, you can accomplish any task easily.

Sign on the Dotted Line

Being committed to achieving your aim is essential to generating a sense of enthusiasm. Whether you want to have gleaming white teeth or flash your pearly whites at crowds of thousands as you accept your Academy Award or Gold Logie, you should be completely committed to what you’re trying to accomplish.

One way to cement your personal commitment is to outline a step-by-step plan for reaching your goals. You can do this with any task, no matter how great or small (though you might save time to generate a mental plan for things like washing the dinner dishes, as it might take you more time to write it all down than it would to actually wash them). On a sheet of paper- or for monumental tasks such as changing careers, at the beginning of a notebook- note your starting point: where you are now. Leave yourself some space, and then jot down where you want to be and how long you plan on taking to get there. Then go back and break down the process of getting from point A to point B in detailed steps. This not only helps you to visualize reaching your goal, it also allows you to cross steps off as you complete them. Your enthusiasm will be sustained as you move further toward your goal.

While you’re writing things down, consider creating a contract with yourself to reach your objective. You can even ask a friend or family member to act as a witness, which will further solidify your intentions to follow through. Your contract can be a simple document stating your promise to yourself, or a detailed map of the things you will do to help yourself reach your aims, with deadline dates for additional motivation and bursts of enthusiasm. Keep your contract posted visibly to remind yourself of your intentions. Every time you see it, you will find yourself eager to achieve your goal and fulfill your contract.

Dangle Your Own Carrot

Ask any business owner and you’ll find out that rewards are one of the most powerful motivators. People are more willing to work toward a goal when they know they will get something out of it at the end. Since your boss probably won’t reward you for losing weight or remodeling your bathroom, you can plan to give yourself a reward when you meet a given goal.

When selecting self-rewards, be sure to match them to your goals. This will not only ensure you don’t get tired of the same reward, but will also help you when you’re planning the strategies you’ll use to accomplish your aims. For example, if you’d like to spend less time watching television and more time outside or with your family, you can reward yourself with a trip to the theater to see a great movie. If you’re planning to quit smoking, part of your strategy could be to set aside some of the money you’ll save by not buying cigarettes and get yourself a new outfit, or something you’ve had your eye on for a while but haven’t been able to afford.

Some goals come with intrinsic rewards already built in, yours for the claiming when you reach your objective. For example, if you’re going to start your own business, you already know you’ll be rewarded by working for yourself, possibly even by working out of your home. Whether you’re working for an intrinsic reward or providing yourself with an incentive, treating yourself is a great way to generate enthusiasm for the task at hand.


Surrender

That’s right. Sometimes, you should just give up.

This may not be the type of advice you’d expect to find in an article about positive thinking. However, there is a specific time when you should surrender- and that is when you hate doing what you’re doing.

“Like what you do. If you don’t like it, do something else.”
- Paul Harvey

Too many people end up settling for the life they think they ought to have, the life others have told them to expect, or the life they believe they’re stuck with. You must realize that there is room on this planet for everyone, and if you’re feeling trapped in a job you despise or a living space you can’t stand, you need to make a change- not down the road, when you have time, or as soon as you get whatever it is you’ve been waiting for; but right now. That elusive “someday” is always going to be in the future, and you can’t catch up to the future. Now is the only time you have.

This doesn’t mean you should drop everything and throw caution to the wind- at least, not in most cases. If you’re like most people, you have responsibilities that must be taken care of. However, there is always something you can do right now to cast out your net and catch “someday,” and start pulling it toward you. Do you hate your job, but lack the experience to get a different one? Start taking night classes or sign up for an online course. There are hundreds of accredited universities offering distance learning classes over the internet. Is your house or apartment located in a neighbourhood that started out great, but is becoming worse every day- and you haven’t found the time or the money to move? Take a close look at your budget and see if there’s anything you can do without for a few months, or ask your landlord or bank if they have any other properties you could look into.

Waiting fuels the fires of apathy. Doing something about your situation, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem, can start a chain reaction of enthusiasm that will energize you to reach your goals. You deserve to get what you want out of life while you’re still here to enjoy it. Don’t put it off another day, because your “someday” is right now!

Discover How to Clarify Your Goals, Establish Direction and Focus, Strategize Your Actions, Upgrade Your Skills and Master Your Psychology!

...with Neuro Linguistic Programming NLP Life Coaching

You can create radical transformation, imagine being able to transform your Mental, Physical, Financial, Emotional, and Spiritual Life.  Take control of your most important asset in life, the power of your mind.